Dear RedDress:

You wrote: “I routinely overeat… I’m  scared I’ll get hungry and I won’t have any food to eat”- me too, I am also afraid of feeling hungry, and so I feel the urge to eat a whole lot so to make sure I don’t feel hungry.

You wrote: “I’m also a bit guilty of food going to waste and disappointing others by not finishing contents of my plate”- me too. I feel not only guilty if food goes to waste, I feel scared that it will go to waste if I don’t eat it.. and therefore I feel the urge to eat it. And I fear disappointing the person who cooked my food if I don’t eat it all and even ask for more, just to show my gratitude!

On the other thread I wrote to you about our brains as adults being the same brains we had as children. Do you see a connection between these two things I quoted here and your experience as a child?

anita

Dear RedDress:

You are welcome. I read your recent post and as a response, I will share with you what I learned about my overeating: I overeat primarily so to feel good.

Physically it feels good to eat, feel-good chemicals are released in our brain when we eat, particularly sweet things. I want to feel good so I eat. I want more of the good feeling, so I eat…more.

The overly full feeling, bloating, the danger of gaining weight, these bother me a whole lot, but the desire to feel good still drives me to eat, and to eat more.

And then, there is what I was taught from an early age: that wasting food is a terrible, terrible thing, my mother taught me that. “Eat, eat!” she would urge me, “if you don’t eat, the food will spoil and I will have to throw it away!” So I ate. And decades later, I see food in the frig and I think: it may spoil. I better eat it before it spoils!

My mother seemed pleased when I ate everything on the plate. When I did, she put more food on the plate. If I didn’t eat all, she would look displeased. Decades later, I feel the urge to finish everything on my plate and when I do, I feel the urge to serve myself more.

It takes a lot of mindfulness, that is, the paying of attention to what motivates us. And it takes understanding the incredibly strong attachment to eating, or overeating, as the way to feel good.

My advice: pay attention as you eat, as you sit at the table, as you open the frig, as you contemplate eating, pay attention to the thoughts, the feelings, the urges and be gentle with yourself.

anita

Dear RedDress:

I agree, you “can’t go for walks or take bubble baths and lie in bed every time (you) feel badly”.

There are multiple reasons why we overeat and you mentioned a few. There is this one reason why we overeat which is the same reason other animals overeat, and that is because lots of food  is available, accessible and affordable for us, humans. In nature when an animal finds lots of food, it will overeat. The reason animals in nature are not overweight is because they don’t come across lots of food often and they burn calories looking for food.

Here are a few suggestions: if you overeat at home, limit the types and amounts of food you have at home. Don’t bring in what you don’t want to eat or what is too tempting. If you overeat in restaurants, don’t go to restaurants, or limit going there. When you do eat, eat as slowly as you can, don’t rush.

When an unreasonable thought goes through your brain, such as you will starve if you don’t eat, counter it with a reasonable, true to reality thought: I weigh X pounds, I am not in any danger of starvation. Relax into the reasonable thought best you can.

Deal with the anxiety, that feeling badly, maybe in psychotherapy, so to reduce it overtime. This is the long term approach.

You wrote: “It is like I’m stuck with no other way to air out my feelings”- do you remember feeling stuck like that as a child?

anita

Dear RedDress:

You have experience and you know what works for you and what doesn’t. Use that information, one you gained through experience, for your benefit. Do what works for you, stop doing what works against you.

anita