We met online 3 months prior and we’re living in neighboring states. Both of us had come past a break only a few months ago at that time (I was entirely out of it because in my case, the guy was a cheat, but he was/is still wounded because his ex left him for another guy) and we were/are seeking a meaningful, long-term relationship. From day one, we were great because we had too much in common (extroverted, social, good at making new friends, helping people and making them feel good expecting little to nothing in return – but he really overdoes the ‘helping’ thing, teasing each other, laughing – I’m way more cheerful than he can ever be, risk-taking, exploring new things and places, etc.). We also had our strong differences. He’s a strong Christian (only later i came to know that he’s highly biased and even insults people from other religions) and I’m a simple atheist who believes and being true and following my conscience (I respect all religions equally even if I don’t believe in ‘God’).

The Problems I faced in 3 months:

– He used to flirt way too much, but every time I confronted (either politely or slightly annoyed), he’d say “we’re spiritually incompatible”, “we’re friends”, “labels are worldly; true connections need no such label”, etc., but over time the flirting only increased more than I can handle!

– His hot and cold behavior: One day, he’d act like I’m the center of his universe; another day, he’d act like “it’s all casual; I’m talking to you because I’m bored/wanting to kill time/till I find someone better”; another day, I’d be invisible to him! When I’d realize that I’m being too available and step back, his radar would alert him immediately and he’ll be back, wanting to make sure I don’t move away.

– He showed too many signs of love/interest at least, like saying “I love you”, “You’re so lovable!”, “I want to hug you”, “Talking to you gives me an adrenaline rush”, and when we met the last time, he was super romantic, holding my hand in his and gently rubbing it for a long time with a big flirtatious smile and glow on his face and unwilling to let go my hand in public, expressing jealousy every time I even mention another man’s name (he’d find some silly excuse for why that guy, whoever he is, isn’t a good match for me, without even knowing that guy’s details), sharing a lot of personal stuff with me, etc. He even asked me 4 or 5 times whether I’d accompany him in the near future for two 2-month long trips to two different countries! But still, after all this, he doesn’t want a label.

– Soon I realized (when I confronted him or when he’d open up to me over phone) that I was one more woman in his list; he behaves the same way with committed and even married women, say about 3 others that I’ve heard of, when the two are away from others! I was so disappointed! (But he’d still do everything to make sure I stayed). No, he’s not perverted. In fact, he claims to be a virgin male because of his strong religious beliefs and his female friends laugh at him for this!

– He helped me a lot, when I didn’t ask for it, so when I asked him for some official help i needed, he willingly cooperated. I felt like I owed him something big but there was no way I could return his favor. It was only recently that he, out of the blue, asked me for a huge amount (knowing I had it in my account, but still I feel it’s not exactly my money; it’s my family’s money), and when i had to say “no”, he tried to convince me with his silver tongue, and the more I had to say “no”, the worse I began feeling… (Guilt trips!) – He’s quite manipulative, and if you see him, you’ll believe he’s a real gentleman. But I feel he throws the bait by helping you, complimenting you, ‘wooing’ you first, only to ‘use’ you later…

– We had a lot of arguments because of his over helping nature (not always bad-intentioned); he’d make little promises like he’ll call me at some time, but when I keep waiting, he’d be out there helping some other female friend (or male friends that he hasn’t talked of?) of his! He’d break promises too often.

– Once I asked him that his future life partner would definitely not like his excessive helping nature (like serving or even slaving some female friend’s family and frequently taking them all out for movies or dinner simply because the family feels low/depressed), so what will he do after marriage? He easily said that he’d help others without his wife’s knowledge in future! Whoa! I didn’t want to be that woman!

After all this, we’ve had some severe arguments over religion (he’d lose his calm and make nasty remarks about other religions and call me stupid or other names for not believing in god while I’d calmly say that he’s not fair), his breaking promises often (he’d come back and apologize like a hurt puppy – manipulative, yes – and I have to accept him), hot and cold, treating me like an option, flirting with me while calling me a friend, bringing up his ex often, I was really feeling exhausted with the ups and downs… Finally a couple of days ago, he called me to ask for money again, I politely said I was helpless, when he tried to press more, I continued to say no… The next day I called him to ask if he got the money from elsewhere, he told me an hour long self-pity story… I genuinely felt bad for him and tried to cheer him up by making him listen to good, melodious music, but he chose to listen only to sad songs… We had a small argument, and he just hung up on me. I called again to just verify (by this time, I was furious) if it was he or just an accident that ended the call while I was talking, and he admitted that he cut the call. I blocked all his numbers over that little thing (or was it my pain of holding on for so long that made me do it?). He called the next morning and realized that I’d blocked his calls, so he texted me “you blocked me, right?”. I didn’t respond. I feel so uncared for, walked over, used (he’d even told me once that he was thinking of whether he should marry that female friend of his, before and after which he heavily flirted with me!!!)… I hate to hurt anyone, that’s my weak spot even if I’m quite a strong and tough woman! I’m thinking of whether I should send him a mail/message saying how much all this hurts me and it’s for his good and mine that we stay totally out of touch (because that way of ending seems more human and cordial), but if I do that, he’ll use that opportunity to come back and again manipulate me and use me, I believe! What’s the right/best thing to do?

I feel numb, bad. Help me, please? :/