Hello all,

To put it frankly, I am unhappy. I don’t know how to put it, but it is an interesting, but not a wholly uncommon situation that I find myself in. One where it seems that the balance between my work life and my personal life seems to have been completely and thoroughly skewed.

I am currently a graduate student, doing research at a university. My entire life, I have been working towards this dream, and finally, it seems that all my work is starting to bear fruit. I have the respect of my professors and peers, I have recently been given funding and support to run my own project, where I can truly work on the things that I am passionate about. I am in the midst of starting a potentially lucrative business that I would be able to run separate from my studies. To all that look in, I am successful.

But, for all that it is worth it, I am miserable. For so long, I have been driving myself towards this dream, with a single minded determination to achieve, that I feel that I have neglected the other aspects of my life. I used to work 18 hour work days, for weeks at a time, only stopping for rest on the weekends, until I hit a wall, where I found that I was unable to hold it in anymore, and I broke down.

In the days after, I realized that while my professional career is taking off, I have really been neglecting myself. My social circle is nearly nonexistent, and I really don’t have any hobbies other than studying and thinking about my work. And while I think it’s admirable to be dedicated to your work, I’ve come to the realization that moderation is key, and that if I continue on this path that I have blazed, I am sure to burn out before I can truly achieve my dreams.

This path that I find myself on, is something that I would say was initially caused by two main catalysts. One was a break up, with a girl that I truly cared for. The second, was a falling out with one of my closest friends, who I found out was not the friend I had thought him to be, exhibiting extremely toxic behavior, spreading nasty rumors about me and just generally creating drama that I just could not be a part of anymore.

Losing these two pillars really shook me, as in one fell swoop, I lost my closest relationship, as well as my closest friend. As such, I threw myself into the one pillar that I had left, my work. Citing that once I had become successful, then everything would be solved, I worked ridiculous hours, and ignored pretty much everything else. But now that I am taking a look at things, nothing is really solved at all. I never went about trying to find a new social circle, and I still am grieving over the loss of the relationship. And rather than deal with that loneliness, I threw it into work.

But now that I realize that I need to take better care of myself, and address these problems I realized that I don’t really know how to meet people. I have always been extremely introverted, and terrible at communication, and now, being thrust into this, I have no idea where to begin. I don’t really have any hobbies, and the ones that I see don’t really interest me. And at the same time, I don’t want to stop working and lose sight of the things that I am doing. Because I am truly passionate about that as well. In fact, it’s probably the only passion I have left in my life right now. And that’s the crux of the problem. That while I love what I do, and feel like I am truly starting to live the dream that I have always been chasing, the fact that I have had to sacrifice many other aspects of my life is what is making me miserable. And finding that balance between those things is what is truly causing me a lot of grief.

I’d appreciate any input or help at all, I’ve taken a few days off for myself to just recharge, but that’s mostly ended up with me just staying cooped up in my apartment…

• This topic was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Michael Chan. Reason: Formatting