Hello everyone,

I’ve never posted here before, but love the site. I am very nervous to be doing this.

My last boyfriend I’ve known for over ten years, he was also the very first boyfriend I had back in junior high/high school. We stayed friends and I’ve always had a soft spot for him. We got back together two years ago.
During the two years, things changed. I completely cut myself off from other friends, gained 20 lbs and relied on spending time with him. He started to act like I was ol’ trusty, he’d make plans with other people and leave me behind, unless they canceled then he’d want to do something. He told me during a fight that he didn’t want to make the commitment of a weekly date night to me. He also has an issue with alcohol. His friends, family and everyone that I’ve talked to about this uses the term “alcoholic” to describe him.

At the start of the summer, in the middle of a conversation he told me he needed a “break”. He completely flicked a switch, he continued to text me and would be persistent if I didn’t text back right away but he would go hours between texts with me. After a week of this, I told him I needed space, a month of no contact to figure out what this ‘break’ meant. He was not happy with my request.
I struggled over the next four weeks with highs and lots of sobbing lows. I got back into yoga, started to eat better again and lost 25 lbs. I started to feel a lot better, but couldn’t shake the feeling that we were done. In that month, I relied on my mom a lot. She got me back into yoga and made sure I wasn’t alone. However, after a week of my emotional nature she got frustrated and told me that if I wanted to go back to him I should, I’d be throwing my life away.
One month to the day, he called me, completely drunk. We talked for three hours and I was very frank with him about his behavior, the way I felt he treated me and the things that need to change between us if we were to ever be good again. He told me everything I wanted to hear, I fell for it.

We very slowly started seeing each other again, I made a deal with myself that I would take this slow, if there was ever a regression back to our old ways I’d be out and I wouldn’t complain to my mom or my friends that had been there for me about anything. He would drink but it wouldn’t be excessive and he made time for me and was flexible when I wanted to do something for me. We had a big fight while out with friends one night; he’d been drinking. With that, I backed away again. I knew I needed to walk away but just couldn’t bring myself to do it. We had another frank conversation, which we tabled to talk when we saw each other next; but we never did. Things went back to being fine.
I hadn’t told my mom that we were talking again, but a couple of weeks ago she asked me straight out. I told myself that I’d be honest so I told her we were. She lost it. She was angry with me for five days and gave me multiple tongue lashings about how I’m being stupid, throwing my life away and gave me an ultimatum of choose him, she’s gone. (I should note that I am an only child of a single mother – we are very close and don’t have any other close family).
I have been struggling with all of this. I am 26 and feel angry that my mother continues to make me feel guilty for making my own decisions. I am also angry that she uses our relationship as a weapon to manipulate (?) situations. I want to believe that she comes from a good place, but I’m angry with her approach. I know that I need to separate myself from my ex, but the stubborn kid in me wants to dig my heels in more but I cannot bear the thought of losing her.
My ex has made comments that my mother is too involved in my life, she needs to mind her own business and that she wants me to be alone and angry like her. I didn’t like his approach but is there truth there?
I have no idea what to do from here. I feel horrible all the time and I’m exhausted.

If anyone can offer any clarity, that would be so greatly appreciated