I’m currently at a cross roads in my life where my decision could alter the course of my life forever. I know my situation doesn’t hold a candle to the life changing decisions that others may be facing today, but this one is my greatest to date. Decision to be made: Do I stay where I am or I do leave to pursue a dream?

A couple of factors that play out in my mind:

I sing. As some, since a very young age and I’m very good, Growing up, I caught the ear of music teachers, impressed vocal coaches, and have been requested to perform by friends, family, and strangers. I don’t brag or comment on my talent to those I meet and some people who have known me in the past still do not know I can sing simply because I have lacked confidence in my own God given talent and always thought it could be better. Also, I’ve always felt I have had a conflicting personality. I’ve been a leader in all my professional positions which has suited me well due to my hardworking, ambitious, reserved, sturn-ish, professionally social, and pro-employee personality.
On the other hand, I have a creative side that has never let me quit music and singing, yet I have found it difficult to allow myself to fully be the artist that I want to be because it requires taking risks, letting go of control, living outside the box, and outside my comfort zone, and change. You may think, okay, well there are alot of people that are professions with suits or skirts by day and indulge in their “other side” by night, and that would be fine if I thought to settle for singing for an open mic night and weddings on the weekends. But today I am not 100% percent sure I have given music my best shot and often times wonder what if I left everything behind, my good job, my family, my boyfriend, everything and went for it all the way.

Those who don’t know me, but in social settings, would think I’m a social butterfly and very extroverted, but in reality once the social activity is over so is my social life. I have attempted to cultivate friendships in the past, but only put in 25% of the required effort and the friendships quickly fade. Not to mistake, I do know people and have the capabilities to have friendships, there is just something inside me that pushes the notion away. This is huge because I could think it easier to move away and start a new life and be that social networking butterfly I should be, but what if I don’t succeed in swallowing my pride and not giving a hoot, and making an honest effort,

My job consumes my life. It has amazing benefits (car, gas, insurance paid), but it’s an all or nothing kind of job. If you do not put in 14 hours a day you will never reap the proper rewards. Its high stress, high paced, and involves dealing with people which out of the good, the bad and the ugly, it is mostly bad and ugly. I’ve been there for 3 years and counting.

My job is replaceable and my family is unconditional, but my boyfriend, who I have been with for 4 years and is the most amazing man I have ever known, has limits. He moved down to South Florida from Central Florida 2 years ago when accepted to study law in a South Florida law school. I moved down here from Central Florida after college and just a few weeks after meeting him. We upheld a long distance relationship for 2 years, until he finally moved down. We have been living together for a year now. He loves living where we live, I not so much. He prefers never to move to be close to his family which I completely understand and respect, however I would love to live in another place at some point. In reality I would be willing to stay with him forever, if it wasn’t for my desire to pursue my dream outside of South Florida somewhere more music central like Nashville or Los Angeles. But I ask myself, is it worth me risking the loss of this relationship to pursue a dream I do not even know if I am cut out to make.

It may all seem very cut and dry to some and I understand that much of it is taking the word can’t out of my vocabulary, writing out my dreams, weighing the pros and cons, and a lot of prayer and self reflection. But somehow it is weighing on my shoulders like a stack of bricks and I can honestly say I truly feel like I’ve standing in front of this fork in the road swaying my head from left to right from right to left with no more clarity the last 100 times I looked at both paths.

What would you do?