Well it’s been a tough but fun last year, we planned to move away together. She left early Jan and is living with family friends and I was supposed to meet her around now.

But the past two weeks she has been very distant, not really talking, no phones calls and barely messaging, I asked her what’s wrong and she said she is really enjoying being alone and she is just stressed with everything, and can’t afford to move out right now and has said to me I should stay here for abit longer until she is ready which was quite a shock.

She also has voiced that she thinks I won’t like it where she has moved and doesn’t think I’ve been productive for the move and that I rely on her too much, which is somewhat true, but for me this came out of no where, one day it was ok, the next just no communication.

I message her to see what’s going on and it doesn’t feel the same from her, she takes her time, doesn’t really call back.

So what are you thoughts? I said if she wants to be alone just tell me so I can move on, she just says I love you but just see how this works out. Just acting like a complete different person. Complains she has no money but goes out drinking etc

I don’t care what she does and I want her to be happy, but I don’t really exist in this occasion anymore, well that’s what it feels like

Is she genuine? Or letting me go gently?
So how would you take this, how would you go about it?

Thanks heaps.

Well I’m not sure, I’m where I am with our stuff that I was supposed to bring up..

Yeah I feel exactly what you said.

I just don’t know where this has come from, I visited her when she first started becoming distant and she was fine, then when I got back home it really kicked in, and I just don’t know why.

Like, she has she she is still in it and loves me, why is she not excited and communicating with me then?

well i guess i haven’t had a lot of input with the move, i guess in general i leave a lot of things up to her, putting a lot of pressure on her to sort things out. i leave things until the last minute. and i guess its hard with her already stressful life at the moment.i cant deal with negativity and go to her to vent when im upset..which isn’t lot.

as for money we are young and both independent, we dont share an account and im the one with money, thats one thing i dont go to her for.i have leant her money recently,which she hates. and i have said ill pay the rent and and bond until she gets off her feet but she declined saying she has it a lot easier where she is not having to spend money on living.

usually im her rock, we laugh,have fun she tells me everything. all of a sudden not so much.

for example id ask ” so do you want to be by yourself” and she will hesitate but will say i want you here, but im really enjoying alone time, i havn’t had it so long and i dont want to lose it, its nice not having to not look after you or the complaining, she says it in a nice way..but it doesn’t help me. she want me there, but doesn’t at the same time. so i think do i walk away or try it make that area better between us..hahaha hassle huh.

ive asked her everything ive needed to and so she does’t want to keep talking about it. it doesn’t help me what so ever.

yeah i can try that, because right now it feels as if i dont know her.

ive said if she is over it to just tell me, it may hurt a litle but ive been through worse.i just want to know where i stand so my focus can go else where.

Well we had a chat the other night, and I though it went well.

And the next morning she messaged me saying have a good day and I’ll call you tonight, and then nothing, obviously then next morning I felt abit off about it and asked what happened, we spoke but it just seemed like she didn’t care really.

She wrote to me saying that when we lived together in our small town all there was me, but now That she has moved there is trying to juggle work, making and meeting friends, doing fun things, family time etc aswell as me at the same time, I understand that part, but asked her why at times it feels like there is no effort at all from her,

She said we are now just on different levels,then I asked her if she is Coming down for my birthday next week and it just seemed half hearted, ” oh I’ll have to check, I might have to work, I need the money” and to me that is such a bad excuse. 6 months ago I’d never hear this, she would have made all the effort in the world.

Am I being selfish and hard on her? Thoughts?/

Yeah that’s pretty spot on, what you said makes a lot of sense.

That’s a shame. All I can do is laugh I guess haha.