Hi anita,

YOu are absolutely right, moving out is the first step, my mind is everywhere at the moment, I feel ill with it all, today has so far been a blur I have even forgotten to drop my son off at pre school, I wanted to get out the flat as soon as possible and so I took my son with me early this morning and we have only just got back and I am shaking with anxiety over it. I am just trying to centre myself but I think you are right I need to leave here asap, I have to give a months notice to leave and wales is in a month. I have been looking here also, only money is a big issue at the moment and so its been difficult with my state of mind and also to find somewhere that’s within my budget.

Friends here in the area I live now are keeping there ears open in case there is anything around here but I think my priority is to leave this flat at all costs, one of the tenants swore at me in the street yesterday and I was with my son. It is all just too much. My only worry is that I am leaving my friends I have made here to go to wales but I suppose I can always come back. My other worry is that I will go to Wales and after a couple of weeks want to leave and have no where to go but I suppose that’s just a fear .

Thank you Anita I appreciate your advice

Hi anita,

Because Wales is not for a few weeks and because of my current position, I stayed out last night and am just thinking of a plan to not have to go back to the flat, its so detrimental to my health at the moment so myself and my son have stayed at a hotel for a few nights, this has been to get away from the stress of it all. I am already panicking as I am thinking of a plan as to not have to go back, I have contacted a few friends to stay with them a few weeks but nothing has come back yet.  I also don’t want a fuss and have to see over explain everything to people, I am so tired and just want to rest. I think I may book another night in the hotel and see if I can tie up some loose ends here and go to wales early possibly, even if this means camping for a few weeks.  Money is tight and I don’t want to be behind on this months rent, I think I need to also give my landlord a months notice today. My mind is everywhere. Thank you for listening

Hi anita

So I just wanted to share with you the good news, friends who I volunteer with are away for a month and a half and have said I can live at there flat 🙂 !! It is above a shop so is quiet!! It is not far from where my flat is so it means I can give my landlord a months notice and take the month to repair anything that is broken, stop all bills etc etc and I will not have to rush anywhere else to far for now!! I am trying to only think of one or two steps ahead and seeing this as an opportunity for me to get back on my feet and a breathing gap for myself and my son to have a quiet break.

They are back end of may but go away again July to October so would be able to go back there if I have have not found anywhere, but its all looking like I am not on my own and I can rest for while, catch up on sleep and my son will still see his friends for a little while longer!!

Thank you for your advice it really helped 🙂

Hi anita,

I just wanted to touch base with you, as I have had a lot to think about since we last spoke and I am now away from the flat and lodging at a friends, also because you where so helpful.

Now I have made the first step of being in the process of moving out of my flat, I have found I have had some perspective on it and realise I went through quite a lot with those neighbours and I feel exhausted all the time. What I am finding difficult at the moment is putting myself first and asserting my boundaries with others. I think I am feeling quiet insecure and low on confidence. For example were I volunteer they asked if I could help out, I always say yes straight away, even though I am in the process of moving out of my old flat and have a 4 year old to look after and with me feeling exhausted it meant I had to cancel my shift with them. I just feel so overwhelmed at the moment and although I explained this too them I still could tell that the manager was not happy. I really want to be my authentic self and tell people exactly what I think, what I can and cannot do at this time but I find it so hard, almost like I do not have the strength. I feel this pressure all the time to please people I suppose and I over explain myself and then hate myself after.

For example the wales trip is next week and where I am at the moment have all these suggestion on what I should do and not do and are being helpful but I find my voice is weak when objecting. The man I will house sit for, if I decide to go to wales is telling me when I should arrive, when I should leave , that they really need me and what help they need while they are away.

I want to be able to break it and down and tackle being assertive with what I object too. In my mind I know that if something doesn’t feel right , don’t do it or say no. But its almost like I don’t know how to do that and then that’s were my anxiety is, that I will not lead my own life and follow what everyone else needs/wants and that is no living at all.

Having taken a step back this past week and being in a silent place were I have not had to worry I have realised that I want to be authentic and honest with others, why am I finding this so hard. I need to make some decisions of were myself and my son are to go without the influence of others.

I hope you are well anita

regards Lynda

Hi anita

Yes that’s exactly the conclusion I have come to since writing this post 🙂 I have started small already and have taken on board that it is a process and will take some time. but I will stick to it because its more important that I like myself than worry about other people liking me ! 🙂 I just need to get my strength back and start very simply , meditating more, reading self help books on my inner negative thinking, doing yoga and eating well. That could be a good start as well as maybe trying to find a therapist 🙂

Thank you Anita 🙂

Hi Anita,

Yes thank you for your comments and advise and the same applies 🙂 post anytime, I value your communication

Lynda

Hi there Anita,

Just thought I would write to see if you resonate with what is on my mind at the moment and also as a catch up. I am in the process of moving out of the flat as you know , and am finding that a little stressful as well as looking after a 4 year old and also doing some volunteering, sometimes it is finding those little moments to be able to sit and listen and be mindful /meditate and try and calm the stress. I find this difficult with the demands of life but am trying my best and trying not too put so much pressure on myself knowing that my anxiety could flare.

I think taking the first step of moving out and letting those around who care about me help me has opened some floodgates for my emotionally and am looking at my past pattern of depression/anxiety and past events. And sometimes this can be overwhelming.

I am in need now of doing something for myself, something which means I can have an outlet I enjoy and that I am good at and takes me away from motherhood. I left university I started and stopped the same course twice!! I think it was due to depression. I really want to use the skills and the knowledge I have gained still but because I left it means that its difficult to know the next step. Usually if someone finishes a degree they than go on to apply for jobs or go on to do further study.

I did dance in university and so having learned some things academically I feel I would like to use those skills with something else. I love the idea of dance movement therapy and have watched my son move about dancing and thought …..mmmm I wonder if I should start a dance tots group or something similar….I than can overthink it a bit much, which I recognise. But I would love to use the movement/dance theory I learned in addition to something else that I could start!! Maybe starting doing something to do with fitness or becoming a teaching assistant and learning more about child development and then specialising in movement as way to progress. I have so many ideas and it makes me sad that I have lost my way a little and my confidence has dropped. I love reading about all these things have bought books and looked online at little courses and I suppose I just need some guidance, to pull away from the big picture a little and focus on simple small steps!!

I am on the path of one step at a time…..its breaking all those things down at the moment I think I am having some trouble with .

Anyway maybe I just need to continue my self-care for now too

Hope you are well 🙂