Home→Forums→Relationships→Don't blame please I m with married man
- This topic has 119 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 11 months ago by Anonymous.
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December 23, 2018 at 6:21 am #270543AnonymousGuest
Dear Eli:
Your heart is not stupid or wise, it just wants to love and be loved, that is the nature of a heart.
Regarding clothes he bought you, you mean? What I would do is sell these clothes if possible, or keep them. If they bother you a lot, then sell them for any price or give them away.
*These clothes and gifts are not … sort of ownership documents. He doesn’t own you. Your value far exceeds the money he spent on these gifts.
anita
December 23, 2018 at 6:55 am #270551EliParticipantDear Anita
I can just talk about him here with you and others here. I can not talk about it at all I don’t know what other people feel and think about me when they know I was with married man with family do you think they will blame me ?
December 23, 2018 at 7:03 am #270555AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
Some people will blame you. But then, some people will blame me for what I typed here for you. Some people do blame me every day. So what?
Yes, it is uncomfortable, even distressing when others blame us, disapprove of us, not liking us, think bad things about us… but everyone does, we can’t prevent it.
Think about this: in prisons, people who committed terrible crimes like murder blame other prisoners for doing worse crimes, in their minds. So everyone blames everyone.
It is wise to think before sharing information with another person: what is the purpose of me sharing? What do I want to get by sharing this? Let’s say you are in a therapist office and by law all that you share is confidential, and your purpose is to understand better and feel better, then it is wise to share.
It is unwise to share with a stranger, one you don’t know at all, a person who can use the information you share against you. Let’s say you share with a stranger, or a person you don’t know well, so to feel better, and let’s say you do feel better but later that person shares what you shared with another person, gossiping about you. That will make you feel bad. This is why it is not wise.
If and when you move to a new place, better start a new life there, and not share the past there except in a therapy setting or .. maybe, with a very trustworthy person you know for many months. Maybe.
anita
December 23, 2018 at 7:16 am #270563EliParticipantDear Anita
I am thinking how much I was blind I did not see truth I was angry at his wife I must be nagry at him and myself for wasting 5 years of my life .
I don’t know how to explain some times I was in love with him die for him call him my love and now it’s the end.
It really Brocken my heart why I trust him an dbelieve him why I let him use me like this
How much I was dump stupid I did not earn any thing just some stupid travels and gifts and what else if I spend all this time and emotion for right person now I must be in more happiness and peace what do you think ?
December 23, 2018 at 7:34 am #270575AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
Like I wrote today, your heart is not dumb, and like I wrote to you a few days ago, you do not lack intelligence. We are not born with wisdom. No one is born with the ability to evaluate another person for being good or bad. This is something you learn early if you are guided by a loving, attentive and emotionally healthy parent.
You didn’t have such a parent and neither did I. So you wasted five years and I wasted fifty. As a matter of fact, everyone wastes time, many waste whole lives.
Better learn now.
Post more, I have time and power (electricity) to respond to you this morning, the electrical lines were finally fixed before 3 AM this morning!
anita
December 23, 2018 at 8:12 am #270581EliParticipantDear Anita I am so angry fed up at my self what i did I must spend all this time and emotion for right person I am so regret
December 23, 2018 at 8:24 am #270589AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
What a lot of people do when they regret having spent so much time and hope and energy with a person, is… going back to that person and investing even more time and hope and energy, so to undo the waste. It is a trap of sorts.
anita
December 23, 2018 at 9:42 am #270603EliParticipantIt’s like big hole in my heart Evey few mins like stupid girl I check my phone to see is he messaging me or not and I ask Eli even if he message you do you want to answer do you want start again waste your life again you are waiting for what
December 23, 2018 at 10:01 am #270607AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
I know the feelings, Eli, you are not alone in this. What happens next, most of the time, is the person gets scared and goes back to the relationship, even begging the person to take them back. It’s the fear and the pain. If that happens, you can still write to me, I will not think badly of you.
I do hope though that you will somehow have the courage and the strength at this time to do what is right for you. The choices that are right for you are always those that give you dignity.
anita
December 23, 2018 at 11:39 am #270629EliParticipantDear Anita
Thank you .I will not back to him it’s very wrong .I come and read this topic and all our conversations and I make sure I did right thing about leaving him for sure I will write for you and talking with you I feel so good for you thank you so much
December 23, 2018 at 11:45 am #270633AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
You are welcome and I am so glad to be reading your recent post before I get away from the computer, I was worried. I think you are doing very well and if I am very impressed by your courage and strength, as well as your willingness to do the right thing for you.
I will soon be away from the computer and back in about sixteen hours. I hope to read from you when I am back, looking forward to it! Post anytime you’d like, any number of posts, will reply when I am back.
anita
December 23, 2018 at 11:23 pm #270683EliParticipantDear Anita
I hope now when you are reading you will be fine and happy. Dear Anita I stop check my phone or check him even . And today one of my friend from other country contact me and ask me how is it and I told her don’t ask about him we are not together and it was the first person who I told this to her. Now I have more freedom but I don’t want jump from this relationhsip to other relationship now I feel better just I am so scared how to control my life with out him support my self and I always be depended on him . Now I must just depend on my self .
Some times I miss his words his fake hopes nice words he said me all the memories we had and I ask my self is it possible after him I accept other man and replace with him.
But for sure I understand I never try to get close to married man in the end I am looser.its me who hurting so much .now I am sure he is sitting with his family and enjoy his life and thinking about find other lover because it his life style . All the talking about I am his first and last love his internal love for ever he never leave me he want me for ever he see his future with me he only love me he only want me need me miss me
He called me his treasure and he never loose his treasure he called me my beautiful princess love of my life my oxygen I can not live with out you …..my god how he knows to play with my emotin he knows I never heard such words in my life no body love me and say these words and it was my weak point .
Some people around me know about him not so much full of details just know I have bf so now it’s time I say we break up finish and I am moving to other city I hope Evey thing go on fine .and I always be like this I ma just worried again some think happens I back to him …and I am sure I am not ready for dating and new relationship
December 24, 2018 at 3:28 am #270691EliParticipantDear Anita
Please tell me no matter how much I feel sad I feel bad how much it’s hard just tell me I did right thing about left him for ever
December 24, 2018 at 5:25 am #270695AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
Leaving him forever is the right thing for you to do, no matter how sad and badly you feel, no matter how hard it is to leave him.
It is the right thing for you because you want to be a man’s partner/ wife, not a man’s lifestyle (“I am sure he is sitting with his family.. and thinking about find other lover because it his life style”),
-because you need a man who values you not as a beautiful object/ treasure, a thing to have or own (“He called me his treasure and he never lose his treasure he called me my beautiful princess”), but as a human being with feelings that need to be considered, hopes and dreams that need to be listened to,
-because you need more than words (“I miss his words his fake hopes nice words he said”), you need honest words, not fake words, and you need actions that express honest love for you.
anita
December 24, 2018 at 7:28 am #270729EliParticipantDear Anita thanks God you are herenow when I am reading this tears is in my eyes . I am so happy I can share Evey things with you thank you so much .
I know we have difference hours but even reading your message after 15 16 hours charge me again and give me motivations I deleted pics burn letters keep some cloths for wearing and I said to my self don’t think and remind him at all .now I feel more peace just I am worried about what will be happend in future no body knows what future hold for me it make me little worried .and because some time I did this horrible huge terrible mistake I am worried I do it again .today I was reading and searching I don’t know am I bypolar person manic depression in stainless moody I don’t know really I remember one time he told me oh Eli because you are not staible and you don’t know what do you want I can not count on you and you don’t give me any power to move mountain for you and leave my wife .
Is it really some thing wrong at me
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