Hi Anita! Sure. I found out that the woman I’ve loved and cherished for 8 years has been cheating on me. I’m still attempting to face this reality. I can’t understand why this occurred or how it came to pass that she’s gone from me. It’s been 4 weeks now, and I’m still vibrating to the core from her loss. I’m using all the tools at my disposal to gain some balance to my prana again, and journaling about it helps greatly. Hence my blog. Yoga and meditation help greatly. Being with nature and participating in an uplifting community like this also helps. I hope this suffices.

Hello Anita!

Thank you for reading about my journey. No, it’s not fiction, and yes that is her in the picture. That was at biscayne bay in Miami. Everything you read is at it happened. Every part is real. Yes, I loved her, love her still. I don’t think I worshipped her. I don’t think I’ve used this adjective. But yes, I love her, and I miss her despite all which has occurred. You’re not offending me. My love for her is authentic. It always has been. That’s why everything causes such pain. The things I mentioned are her. Im only attached to them because they were hers. That is all. I’m using every tool at my disposal to heal from her loss because I know it’s over. It isn’t easy.

Thanks so much for reading. I hope others do as well. I welcome their comments, and I’ll post every week as I continue to work through this.

best,

Rahul

Evening Anita,

Ah, okay – yes I understand. I’m not sure I agree. We were connected in so many ways, from my side anyways. Perhaps I did worship her. I still do not understand what could be wrong with this. If you love someone, you should worship them. Does this mean that you’re sometimes blind to what might be in front of you, I suppose so. I certainly seem to have been. I tried everything I knew to keep her happy, to support her, to provide for her. I can’t help feeling betrayed, angry, full of loss and hurt. I know there was so much good in our relationship, and I can’t understand why she betrayed this. So, I get what you’re saying, but I don’t understand what’s happened. Thanks for reading my blog.

best,

Rahul

Hi again Anita,

As much as all of this stuff in my life hurts, of course I know it isn’t wrong to love someone wholeheartedly. Certainly no crime! Worship for me is not a religious term, as I am not religious. My spirituality goes deeper than religion. Worship is just an adjective to describe deep love. Love you feel for someone when you know it’s right. I understand where you are going. It obviously was right for me, and not for her. Did I put her on a pedestal. Probably. Did I open myself to pain and betrayal and all these other energy draining emotions, yes. But that is a choice I would make again should I meet and find the kind of love I had for her. Of course, this is all from me. She might have a different opinion. As a matter of fact, she probably did, considering her actions.

I’m not sure I want to do much uncovering. What would be the point? She is gone. I cannot accept her back. Not after all this. Nothing condones infidelity in my mind less there is some evil like abuse in a relationship We had no such issues. I just want to focus on ending this feeling and weight I have on me. I want to focus on myself and getting better.

Thanks so much for talking to me. I hope you keep reading my blog. I’ll try to write every week.

best,

Rahul

Hi Lucylou!

Yes! That’s exactly right. I cannot understand the reason for betraying the trust. Perhaps my love and consequent trust caused me to ignore signs. Frankly, I’ve been searching for answers, trying to look at our interactions objectively, and I cannot find anything which would leave me to believe that she needed to find someone else behind my back. Perhaps I;m blind. I do not know.

I cannot imagine what it must feel like to you to have experienced this four times! I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. I’m so sorry that you have to experience such emotional pain so many times in your life. I hope that it will get better for you.

Thanks for the kind words. Yes, knowing others are in similar circumstance and talking about it, albeit via this impersonal interface, helps much! Thanks for taking the time. I hope you’ll continue to read my blog. I’ll try to post every Sunday about my emotions and attempts, failures, and success to get beyond this and come out stronger.

Like you, meditation and yoga have been saviors. I’ve enrolled in a 30 day yoga camp, and my mind is at peace for that hour.

I send you much gratitude!

best,

Rahul

Yes Anita. That’s precisely it. I’ve been looking inward quite a bit this week. I’ll write about it this weekend. Thanks so much for your kind words!