Hi,
I’m new to this site and new to separation. I’m hoping to gain some insight and strength on the tough days. Today was tough.

Married 11yrs, together 17yts, 2 kids ages 6 & 7. He decided to leave me the day before we moved into a brand spanking new house! Myself and the kids moved in, he didn’t. This was a little over a month ago.

He said he needs time to think. What he really needs, in my opinion, is time to shirk his responsibilities, have some fun, stay late in work, not get nagged to help out with kids, not get nagged for being married to his job. Things like that. We have had loads of ups/downs during our marriage. I tried to get him to counselling: 2 separate sessions which were a disaster.

I fought for our marriage every time, dragged him back into it. I realise now I was probably dragging him back into something he didnt really want to be part of. He is a narcissist through and through. My counsellor mentioned this term to term and whilst I Had a vague notion of what it meant, I googled it. Its him to a tee.

He thinks he can have his cake and eat it, keep me dangling while he goes out and has some fun while I am here looking after our children. I could write a book on him. I do about 80% if not more of running the show at home and I work full time, mon-fri too. Its just not fair. He gets to swan around and i have to be NICE to him to ask him to come round to look after the kids in the evening while I go to the gym! I hate it.

I have to learn to put up a front with him, for my own sake. I’m too emotional and he knows how to push my buttons. He actually daid he thought he could take 6 months off and perhaps come back! What about what I want?

He thinks I am not going to stand up to him and tell him to get lost. I am bidding my time. We havent even properly discussed maintenance, visitation with kids etc. He doesnt like being challanged. I have been to see a solicitor already so I kmow some of my rights.

He has hurt me sooooo much, I have lost trust in him as he knew he wasnt going to move into the new house but went ahead and signed with me. I know I have a new house for myself and thekids but he has tied me into a 30 year mortgage for alot of money. He is happy to pay half for now.

I think I experienced every emotion today! I was bawling crying in the kitchen while the kids watched telly. Anger, resentment, utter sadness, hurt etc etc. I still would do anything to have my family back.

Ugh….i hate him for what he has done to me and our kids. He is a selfish man.

Thanks for reading.