Hello K.k.
I read your story here and well I can relate to it and well, the way I look at this is. You were young, you made a bad mistake. I know that feeling of dread wishing you could go back and not do something or take something back but the unfortunate truth is we cannot.
These things happened a long time ago for you, there’s no need for you to suffer anymore.
I hope in some small way that this helps you and you’re able to find the answer that you need.