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How to let go and finally accept myself?

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  • December 29, 2013 at 7:53 pm #47847
    Julie
    Participant

    I am currently a senior in high school and lately have been completely overwhelmed by multiple things. I guess for some background on myself, I suffer from anxiety and have had an eating disorder in the past, and although I do not starve myself anymore the obsession I have with body image remains. I’m a perfectionist to a fault and I think is due to being a competitive dancer since age 5, where every mistake you make is pointed out and you’re judged on being perfect. Another issue with myself I’ve been trying to combat is that I am a compulsive lair. I have never lied to hurt anyone, just to make myself look better to others which doesn’t make sense when I think about it but yet I still do it. I’m always stressed out and feel sick from all the pressure and worry I put on always being perfect and having everything mapped out. When I found this site and read some of the blogs, for the first time in what feels like forever I almost felt some peace of mind and felt a connection with what was being talked about. I don’t want to continue living my life this way and long for my mind to stop always racing and have some peace but I don’t even know where to start, especially when it comes to fixing my lying. I somehow feel it would ruin friendships and it’s best to just not tell another lie but it’s so hard. I don’t know where or how to begin to change these things and accept myself for who I am but I am glad I found this site as it has been really helpful thus far.

    December 29, 2013 at 8:38 pm #47867
    Cyd
    Participant

    Hi Julie,

    I have a question for you that I want you to answer everyday you wake up and get out of bed. That question is : What would happen if I felt I was enough? How would I feel about myself? How would my relationships improve? What kind of people would I attract if I FELT I WAS ENOUGH?

    Realize that you were not born lacking anything. You were born well equipped to handle anything life has and will throw at you. I sense your eating disorder stems from low self esteem and wanting to be accepted. You crave acceptance from everyone around you but yourself. Acceptance starts with you. You set the standard for how people see you and treat you. If you do not love yourself then no one will. You owe it to yourself to love yourself no matter what anyone says about you or how they treat you. Your self esteem should be unrelenting and unwavering. Always hold yourself in high regard! You are in control. No more lying, no more worrying about how others see you, no more. You are enough, You were made enough. Keep pressing 🙂

    December 29, 2013 at 10:34 pm #47920
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Julie,
    So you lie so you can look good to people? I disagree that it doesn’t make sense. It makes perfect sense if you grew up not feeling good enough.
    It’s time to heal, step by step. Mindfulness is a great tool to be conscious on whether or not you decide to lie. Each moment of interaction is an opportunity to make a conscious choice whether to lie or not, to be mindful how you want to be for yourself, whether you feel good enough for yourself.

    You can see the payoff for lying. In order to really change your behavior, you have to make it very clear to yourself on what is the payoff for not lying. You really need to articulate that for yourself, to know why you will benefit for telling the truth or at the very least, not to say anything.

    You may want to reinforce your changed behavior of truth telling by rewarding or acknowledging yourself every time you do so.

    Metta,
    Mark

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