Dear Ally:

How to stop being toxic: number 1- stop fighting.

Behave respectfully toward him, practice mutual respect, and that means, no fighting, no aggression. You need to communicate something to him, to get his input? Have a peaceful conversation, a Win-Win interaction.

And so, regardless of how clingy and anxious you feel- don’t proceed to disrespectful behavior, to aggression, covert or overt.

Regarding your clinginess, possessive feelings: we can examine those, if you’d like, and if you do, consider answering this: are you afraid his friends (particularly the one you dislike strongly) will take him away from you; will turn him against you?

anita

Dear Ally:

We can continue to look into this: as a child, do you remember being sad or jealous that a parent/ family member spent more time with another child than with you?

anita

Dear Ally:

When you wrote that “all the attention was on (you)”-

What kind of attention did you get a lot of, too much?
And what kind of attention did you not get enough?

anita