Nikola,

Dear brother, you are quite normal and most likely not Schizophrenic. People who think they are one thing or not, and are extreemely paranoid about it, are most likely not it. If you want to put your mind at ease, go to a professional and get tested. Sometimes this will greatly relieve anxiety and start aiding in putting your mind to rest.

I will share this with you, and maybe it will help a little bit. When I was a student of Psychology in college, I had all kinds of mental ailments. In my head that it. It is a known fact that students, or those who read about these things, identify with what they read and believe they are “sick” which in turn can produce much anxiety. In truth, there are very few definites, and we all fall on the spectrum somewhere on the scales of “ilnesses.” This just is. Maybe knowing this will help.

The second part that is of note is the weed. Any mind-altering substances can wreck havock on you. I am not for or against weed (I choose not to use it because I do not like the effects of it) but I will ask you to reread what you said about how it makes YOU feel. High, low. Would it not be nicer if you could achieve this “high” naturally and then sustain it? When you learn to achieve balance in your thoughts, which takes a lot of practice, patience, insight, you will come to realize that you do not need, or crave, any outside substances to make you happy as you are.

Perhaps starting by taking a regular meditation practice would be beneficial for you. Rather than analyzing your thoughts observe them, let them pass through you, and learn to introduce “healthier” thoughts into your mind.

With light and warmth,
Helen

Nikola,

In addition to Helen’s heartfull response, consider that weed can sometimes cause fixation. “These are the best chips ever” or “this is the funniest thing I have ever seen”. It seems as though you are simply fixating on your fear of the unknown, and calling it schizophrenia. You are clearly not schizophrenic. When you smoke weed, you get paranoid as you fixate on “what if”. Is the high worth the low? Are the lessons weed brings you worth the agitation?

With warmth,
Matt

Nikola,

I do not know all the facts about you but from what I am reading here, you have a strong mind, vibrant, thoughtful, highly insightful, and willing to flex in the direction it needs to go to be healthy. Doctors often prescribe antianxiety or antidepressant medications because they are a quick fix, and in certain circumstances they are needed (if someone is so depressed or anxious that they have repeated panic attacks or are actively suicidal). But those are seldom meant to be a long term solution for someone unless they have a true chemical inbalance. Usually a thoughtful physician prescribes not only medication but therapy as well so that the patient can come to understanding of what caused the anxiety/depression and work on resolving the issue. Medication helps to calm the mind physically/chemically so the person can start doing the mental work. The docs usually say to take it for 6 months to 3 years depending on the person and how long it takes to establish new patterns so that the depression and anxiety do not come back. You esentially become armed with mental power and then slowly wean off the meds (and weaning slowly is crucial because stopping them abruptly can be life-treathening). I completely understand your apprehension regarding this.

To share my experience, maybe it will help, when I was going theough a divorce, I was experiencing much depression and anxiety and my doctor prescribed medication. At that time I felt strong enough to tackle the feelings with a good therapist and refused to take the meds. Fortunately my therapist was absolutely amazing, and I was a good student and VERY determined, that I was able to overcome those hurdles within a year without medication. I will always remember my last appoitment with her where she told me “Helen, you do not need me anymore, you have it all figured out. You are strong, you did the work, and you are free now.” I was so sad because I miss her to this day but I remember clearly all that I learned during our time together.

On another occassion, however, I was in a real pickle where EVERYTHING seemed to be thrown at me at once and I did not have the coping mechanisms in place yet so I took medication. Yes, it did stop the thoughts, yes it did calm me, but the true change came when I did the work. I noticed that the medication calmed me a little too much and I did not like that feeling, plus there are many side effects to live with when you take meds. I prefer working through the pain, if I can handle it.

So, in short, you have to consider your whole circumstances. How bad are the thoughts, do you need a little assistance to calm them before doing the work, or are you ready now to do it on your own? There is no right or wrong here, or shame to be experienced, it is just a matter of what you feel is right for you. (Also, I hope you were honest with your doctor and told him about the weed before he prescribed the meds to you – sometimes different substances can have interractions which can be very unpleasant and dangerous.)

Regarding meditation, there are many options to be found on YouTube. One I particularly like is Peace of Mind meditation (http://youtu.be/AVAUBYw951o). If this one does not appeal to you, you can search for peace of mind meditation and explore a few until you find one you can enjoy.

With light and warmth,
Helen

Nikola,

In addition to Helens heartfelt (but perhaps over emphatic) words, consider that anxiety is in the body. Thoughts do spin, but a lot of it is lower in the body… fast pulse, rapid breathing and so on. A close friend of mine used to have panic attacks, and her doctor told her to breathe into her shirt (pulling the collar up over her nose and breathing slow and deep). She told me that after a few minutes, her body would calm down. Good luck!

With warmth,
Matt

Matt,

Thank you for pointing that out 🙂 The “over emphatic” sometimes leaks in because of my upbringing. Nikola wrote me a direct message earlier asking to please reply to his post. I felt a sense of responsibility and urgency so it came out over emphatic. In addition, my job has been a bit more energy draining in the last few days so I come from a place of “tired” rather than “well rested” when I wrote. With that, I must rest too 🙂

Nikola, I appologize if any of what I said offended in any way.

Yes, the shirt breathing does work. When the attack happens, and your thoughts start to race, your breathing becomes really shallow and the brain is not getting enough oxigen. The shirt will help “subdue” the air coming in when you take the deep breaths so that it does not shock you (this is the best way I know how to explain it). Just continue to take deep breaths until your heart stops racing and the tingling in your head subsides.

Helen