I appologise in advance for this rather long, rambling and rant riddled post but if I don’t explain my problem to someone then I’m going to explode!  I need some advice from people who aren’t involved.

My problem is basically that everything I do either goes wrong or I get totally the opposite of what I wanted/was trying to achieve.

 

My husband and I have been studying the laws of the universe for 10+ years now and we have devoted our lives to trying to live our dreams.

I understand about positive and negative emotions and belief and faith and for 10 grueling and difficult years I have tried to make the law of attraction and the law of manifestation work in my favour.

 

It all started when we were living far away from home and I was feeling very home sick and missing my family.  So we travelled back to where we grew up.  My father-in-law (to be as was then) invited us to rent his house and I was thrilled.  So we found jobs and moved back.

 

The house was a complete mess with no kitchen or useable bathroom, bis previous tenant had ruined it and done a bunk in the night.  But we had no choice at the time and he moved us in and charged us full rent.

 

When my mother-in-law left my father-in-law, he decided to sell the house and he offered it to us.  So, we contacted a solicitor who advised us that it was really not worth the price he was charging and to find somewhere else.

 

In the meantime our landlord grew nasty and we had to get out as soon as possible, so we hunted around for a place and found a nice flat in a convenient location for work.  We secured a mortgage and when we saw a mortgage adviser he told us to just sign everything that came through the post and not to worry about it.  I also took out an insurance against redundancy as I had illness cover with my job.

 

All was going well, we were feeling very ‘up’ and we were feeling very grateful.

 

Then things started going wrong.

 

Just before Christmas I got back to my desk after lunch and found a redundancy letter.  When I spoke to my manager, she told me not to bother going back in at all and just wait for my redundancy settlement to be calculated.  Merry Christmas.

 

When I got home I contacted our insurer and mortgage lender to tell them what had happened and to start claiming on the redundancy insurance that I had been paying into.

 

No.

 

It turns out that I hadn’t been paying for that insurance, I had been paying for long term illness cover.  So they wouldn’t honour my claim.

 

I asked our mortgage lender about any mortgage help and they said that they couldn’t help us.

 

The financial crisis was in full swing here in the UK and I worked in the financial sector, jobs were not forthcoming.  So I started branching out to get anything I could.

 

Nothing.

 

But we were still grateful for my husband’s job.

 

Then my husband had a nasty accident at work which meant he couldn’t work.  His boss came to visit him at home to tell him that he was being released by the company.

 

So, we had to sell our home.

 

When we had our flat valued we found out from the estate agent that the price we paid for it was nowhere near what the flat was ever worth.  And so we had to sell in negative equity.

 

We have had to take an IVA to try to pay this back which we are STILL trying to pay back.

 

So, we decided that maybe as neither of us could get jobs, it was time to pursue our dreams of owning our own company.  So we set up our own business.

 

We had to move in with my parents for a while, which was a terrible idea.  My parents hated the idea that we wanted to go into business for ourselves and tried to do everything they could to stop us (and still do).  Even withholding any help (emotional or financial) to try and starve us to stop.

 

But we were so sure in our beliefs that the more action we took the better things would get.

 

Our friends had bought a house and wanted to let their old house out, so we took it.  It was tiny and I hated it, but I couldn’t bare living with mom and dad any longer.

 

After we had been there a while, still pushing away at our company, still barely surviving, our friends inform us that they are selling their house and we had to get out.  Quickly.

 

Into another rented property that I didn’t really like, but we had very little choice.  Right from the off it was a death trap.

 

We started to feel ill.  And moody and very, very sleepy.  Until one night we noticed a strange smell.

 

We had been complaining to the letting agents for months that we had huge gas bills that we couldn’t pay and that the boiler kept going out, it burned with a tiny yellow flame and that we felt there was something wrong.  Our landlord kept insisting it was safe.

 

My husband turned everything off, opened all the windows and called an emergency gas number.  Transco came right out, confirmed a massive carbon monoxide and gas leak, sealed off the boiler, flue, meter and gas hob and stuck ‘danger do not use’ stickers everywhere.

 

We had no choice but to go back in with my parents.

 

Our landlord got away scot free and we were left with a massive gas bill that we have now had to have a pay as you go meter fitted to the gas meter in our current home that we have to put £10 a week on which the gas company take towards paying off our debt.

 

We are currently without heating or hot water as we can’t afford to put anything on the meter.

 

But we were grateful to be alive.

 

Another friend offered us their house as they were moving in with relatives.  We accepted and were very grateful.

 

Still struggling to make ends meet, we gratefully took up their offer and moved in.

 

We felt very grateful, even though the house was nowhere near perfect,

 

Then the roof blew off and it rained in cutting off our electricity.

 

But we were still grateful that we had a home and that we could still afford to eat.

 

Our business started to fail and we were forced to accept housing benefit.  In the second payment, the bank decided to pay another bill before our rent, therefore there wasn’t enough for our rent.

 

Before giving me chance to explain and try to sort it out, our ‘friends’ turned nasty and started accusing us of stealing from them and forcing them into poverty.

 

We then decided that now was the time to go back to the rat race and give up on our failed business attempts.  we had given it our all and it had ruined our credit history (we had a completely clear history before all this started), caused a lot of grief and cost us a lot of dignity and friendships.

 

So we revamped our CVs and hit the job market hard.

 

We have been hit with rejection after rejection and we keep applying for anything we can.

 

But now our situation is critical and we have no support.  we have no gas, we have no fuel for our (very old and unreliable) car, we have no telephone, we have only one mobile between us which we need for companies to get in touch with us in case of any offers of interviews, we have no food and we have huge debts and £3 in the bank.

 

We have been grateful, we have taken action, we have acted on our intuition, we have meditated, we have invested in ourselves with books, courses and seminars (both for our business and spiritually), we have created vision boards, repeated affirmations, tried NLP, tapping, Brain entrainment, self hypnosis, visualisation, we have tried to stay positive and always tried to take advantage of any opportunities that we have been presented with and we now cannot afford to survive.

 

Every time we are grateful for something it is ruined and everything we have ever tried has appeared to go wrong, even though my belief had always been that sometimes things might seem as though they are falling apart, but they are actually falling into place.

 

Now my husband is spiraling into depression, we want to get out of our ‘friend’s’ house, we are cold, hungry, penniless and I have been diagnosed with PMDD which makes 10 days of the month unbearable for us both.

 

I can’t/won’t tell my parents about our situation as they have made it so clear that we don’t have their support and they hate my husband, even though he is bringing in the only wage at the moment, even though it is sporadic and in little bits.  Also my mom suffers with clinical depression and relies on me heavily when she’s in a dark place.

So, what can we do?  we only drink water, we don’t go out, we haven’t bought ourselves anything new for years, we don’t have a TV, we only run the car when we need to (and we only have one car), we don’t read magazines or newspapers and we don’t indulge in any hobbies.  When I do have any spare money it goes on either food or repaying our debts.

I’m starting to despair.  What are we supposed to do now?  Anything that we had that was worth anything we sold.  We need our car but even that is an old Freelander which is on it’s last legs.  But we don’t owe anything on it as it was a second hand car we part exchanged our old car for.

 

I feel that although I understand that in some way we have attracted our situation, it hasn’t been through overindulgence but sheer bad financial advice and unlucky circumstances (even though I’ve never been a believer in luck).

 

Again, sorry for the big rambling post.  I have a load more examples of things going wrong on a day to day basis (for example, a routine gas inspection has rendered our oven unsafe and our landlord has told us that it wasn’t part of the lease but on loan to us and we need to sort it out).

What is wrong with us????