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i want to trust him but something is holding me back

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  • #51618
    Megan
    Participant

    People always told me to be careful who you trust. my parents had a bitter divorce and ever since i was a little girl my mom always told me that men would hurt you, and leave. i tried not to believe it, and as i got older i met a guy, and we became really close, i thought he cared for me, i trusted him and then he avoided me and broke up with me. that was the first time i trusted someone so much. all my hopes, fears and secrets, and he just disregarded it all after stringing me along, making me beleive he cared. later i started to build myself up, and found myself in another relationship, he avoided me for a month, i trusted him and he left. i tried to get back together with them both but it didnt work out. i have finnally accepted that it would never work out with either of them. so then i started to grow use to being single, and then this guy and i started talking, and we found we had a lot in common, so we started hanging out, and after an amazing first date he asked me to be his girlfriend. these past three months with him have flown by, we really just connect and when i am with hm i feel safe and happy, and i never felt that way before. he really seems to care about me, and i love him, and i care about him, but theres just something thats stopping me, some kind of fear that i just cant let go completely, and i know its good to have some defense, but it just doesnt feel right having that wall, that fear, i want trust him completely, i have no reason not to. so please, how do i love without fear?

    • This topic was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by Megan.
    #51638
    Matt
    Participant

    Megan,

    I can understand and empathize with the feeling of fear in a relationship. Consider that trust is built over time, and to me it sounds like you are approaching this new connection skillfully. Said differently, there’s nothing wrong with being a little reserved when a relationship is new. Have you communicated your fears to your boyfriend? Pulling back, hiding your fears, trying to be “more connected” than you really are is the kind of stuff that causes distance. Being afraid is normal, usual, and lessens with time and continued heartfelt sharing between you two.

    With warmth,
    Matt

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