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I feel so lost

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • July 10, 2015 at 9:54 pm #79642
    Icy
    Participant

    Today is my 31st birthday and I have to say it was my worst birthday yet. It just has really hit me that I’m 31 and I’m feeling like I have to get out of my admin field or the “pink ghetto” as it is sometimes called but I don’t know how. I feel so lost. I am unhappy with my job and I just don’t know where to go from here. TinyBuddha has helped me so much with the great articles and advice but I’m hoping someone has a similar experience to mine and has made it to the other side and better for it. Here is my story…

    I did everything I was “supposed to” when I was growing up; I did great in high school, didn’t get in trouble with boys or drugs or anything, went to college right out of high school and went to a prestigious university. I realized quickly though that the path I was taking at that university was not for me so I left and went back home to go to a community college. I ended up graduating with an AAS in office admin & technology and an AA in sociology. I loved both subjects so much and was positive about the future. I am very fortunate in life and have a great husband but I just feel so lost with my career/job. I’m just so tired of only being a secretary/admin/receptionist. I think I’m pretty dang smart but it seems a lot of people treat you like your dumb in those jobs no matter what and I cannot move up in the place I’m at now at all. I just want more. I just wish I had a sign or something telling me that “this is your path.”

    I am an admin/customer service specialist for a company and I love working with our customers and helping people out but the job has become so tedious and boring. On top of this my managers never seem to have my back when I bring up issues with a coworker putting their work onto me and then I find out later on that this person gets paid more than me also. I am always hearing “oh you can just do it.” Well all that “you can just do it” really adds up and has me thinking… “why is that person getting paid for XYZ then?” I feel I’m being dumped on and basically run an office, do part of my managers’ jobs and do some of a coworkers job and I don’t even get paid all that much. I’ve tried applying for other jobs but I’ve barely gotten interviews and never any offers. I have so much admin experience I’m thinking people just see it and think I’ll want a ton of money and toss my resume aside. I had my resume redone by a pro and still nothing.

    I’ve been trying to think of a new career path but I come up empty. I know I’m passionate about learning Japanese, reading, watching anime, gaming, and creating documents and things on the pc. I just don’t know how I could create a career out of that. I don’t want to go back and get a bachelor’s degree for something I’m not sure of because having a bachelor’s doesn’t guarantee you get a good job like it used to. I just feel so stuck and I’m feeling depressed. Has anyone else hit this wall? If so, what did you do? How did it all work out? Thank you in advance for any input and thank you for reading my venting/rant.

    Well wishes. 🙂

    July 11, 2015 at 4:45 am #79644
    shivani
    Participant

    I have done MCA and work in IT company as a web designer..i feel like i was working so slow..but in IT companies Deadline is a big problem..when i need help from my colleagues at my workplace..I am scared if i don’t understand the thing quickly my colleagues think that i am dumbo and slow..this feelings can kill me inside..suggest me something..how can i face this problem??

    July 11, 2015 at 7:25 am #79647
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Icy:

    A good part of your unhappiness at work is that you are doing others’ work while they are being paid for the work that YOU do (you are not the one being paid for the extra work). So, you feel used. Feeling used, taken advantage of is a tough feeling to endure at the work place or anywhere else. How are your assertive skills? These, if there is a need or possibility to practice and strengthen, will help you in any work situation. Not having enough assertiveness is likely to be a problem in many other work situations,

    Are there ways for you, in your current job, to assert yourself? What are your habitual reactions when given extra work? What if you say NO? Or ask Why-don’t YOU do it? Somehow intergate assertiveness with respect though, so you don’t appear hostile.

    Your present pink ghetto as you call it may be an opportunity for you to refine your assertiveness skills in the workplace. How exciting (and a bit scary or uncomfortable) can that be? Not boring- something to work on?
    anita

    July 11, 2015 at 1:06 pm #79651
    Icy
    Participant

    Thanks Anita. I spoke with two of the mangers a while ago and explained to them all the extra work I was getting and that I needed a raise and gave them examples of what I was doing above and beyond. It took a few months for them to even get back with me about it but they eventually agreed to a 30 cent raise. Ya, that’s it. I was basically told that other people have been given more work and they don’t get paid anymore and that I was being given this raise because the high ups liked my manager and it wasn’t because I was doing more work. It was like a slap in the face. From the vibe I’m getting it is either deal with it because they will not disincline those that need it and if I don’t like it I can leave. They have no appreciation for employees that work their hardest. I think they feel that “they can always get someone else.” To me it’s a very bad attitude for a company to have yet I assume it happens a lot and I know I’m not the only person that feels this way. A person in a different department eventually left because they were just tired of the games and unappreciation. I feel that if I straight up tell them “no” then I will get fired. I know some people reading this may think that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I too have a mortgage and bills to pay and it’s discouraging that I’ve been applying to other places and have got nothing in the past year or so.

    Thank you for reading and advice.

    July 11, 2015 at 6:51 pm #79656
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Icy:
    So further asserting yourself is of no use because your employers’ attitude is that if you don’t like whatever then you can leave, so your skills are replaceable and people are rewarded for being LIKED not for working hard. And you don’t want to leave because you need the money and you have nothing else lined up. You know of the serenity prayer, don’t you: … To accept the things you cannot change, to change the things you can, the wisdom to know the difference? Well, if you have to have the money they pay you and you have no other job opportunity right now- then yes, this is then an opportunity to develop that (sometimes excruciating) acceptance of the unpleasant, giving up completely on hoping for or expecting any changes. Accepting it AS IS. No longer engaging in disliking it and resisting it. It is the Buddhist principle of removing the disliking from the perception.

    There is always some opportunity. If it is not learning assertiveness, then it is learning patience and acceptance of a bad situation without hoping for it to change, without complaining anymore, without resisting, without dragging yourself to work every day… MINDFUL ACCEPTANCE.

    And keep looking for another job which is most likely to not be perfect either. My husband worked for a huge company and was so close to making big money, big money – it all went down the toilet because a certain woman higher up did not LIKE him. My husband is a great guy, hard working, highest integrity, but she did not LIKE him.

    You wrote that you did everything you were supposed to growing up… and yet you feel so lost at 31 with this job. Everything you were supposed to… meaning you followed the rules? And you feel you are not rewarded just as you are not rewarded for all the extra work you have done.

    Make different rules… your OWN rules. From the inside, put together new rules. Social conditioning, marketing, media, myths all tell us what we are supposed to do.

    anita

    July 13, 2015 at 5:45 am #79739
    Icy
    Participant

    I never fully thought like this before. Thanks again anita.

    July 14, 2015 at 9:20 pm #79884
    Icy
    Participant

    I think things are starting to look a little better. I got an offer for a phone interview for a company that seems promising. The very few reviews on working there seems very positive, but it is a relatively new company. I’m very fearful yet excited about the upcoming phone interview. It’s so confusing. I know in my heart that things aren’t going to change/get better at my current position. Every time I think ‘it’s not too bad here’ something always happens that makes me think about leaving again. I’m very fearful because, what if they offer me a job eventually? I’m terrified because I’ve been at my current position for so long and I know it’s a steady job and if I take a new job at a newer company, what if something happens and I don’t have a job in the future? Sometimes I just wish I could predict the future so I know for sure what is the “right choice.” The last few days I’ve been asking the universe for help; for a sign of some sort on what I am supposed to do. And then today I get that offer for a phone interview with a seemly very positive company that values their employees and customers. I realize that getting a phone interview doesn’t mean anything but it still scares me…change is so scary. It is almost like I’m in this little ball of my job and though I know they don’t have my back and I know they won’t change, I feel like…well..at least I know how they are and that it is still a very stable job. At a new company I just don’t know how it would be…I mean..what if I wouldn’t like the work or what if the managers/coworkers at the new place are worse.

    July 16, 2015 at 6:16 am #79941
    Hayley WIntermantle
    Participant

    Hi Icy,

    It can be difficult to make big changes, especially after you’ve been somewhere a long time. You become used to everything and even if you’re not happy there is something comforting or reassuring it. Making a change can be difficult but I think its important to remember why you are doing it. You said that you feel as though things won’t change at your current place, so my question would be – 5 years from now what happens if you don’t make this change?

    There is a difference between risk and uncertainty. If you make this move what do you really risk losing and what could you potentially gain? Perhaps its more about uncertainty than risk. Uncertainty is only natural and one way you can reduce the uncertainty is during the interview process by asking lots of questions and getting a feel for the organisation.

    You also talk about finding a new career path. Do you think it’s the current organisation that’s creating this feeling or that you really don’t enjoy your job/career choice? I have some much advice I could offer you as this is my area of expertise and I’ve been through it myself, but I’ll condense it into a few questions that you could start exploring with:

    1) How satisfied do you feel in the different areas of your life? This will help to establish if its only work that’s having an impact
    2) What are your unique strengths, talents & experience? Not just in work, but everything about you
    3) What are you passionate about? Again not just in work but outside of work and how much
    4) How could you combine these passions and strengths
    5) What may be holding you back from making a change? Stories you tell yourself, beliefs, confidence?
    6) Is there one change or step you could take today to start moving forward or dealing with any limits you’re putting on yourself.

    Hope that this helps,

    Hayley xx

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