Home→Forums→Relationships→Intense relationship, cares too little
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March 12, 2017 at 12:18 pm #139067
AnonymousInactiveHola everyone,
I write today because aproximately a month ago I broke up with a man I loved deeply, and supposedly he did too. We lasted around two years, we had great and bad, terrible times, but I never had doubt I loved him and wanted to build my life by his SIDE, he did.
When se started none was looking for a serious relationship, but as time went by we got seriously involved, we had a real deep hearted connection that got into both oír hearts, never had I lived such thing, which is why I do not think it is easy yo find, I gave myself to it but he continued to try to pull me away saying he was a free spirit, he found with me (and I did too) a part of him that he didn’t know could exist, several times he broke up with me and I suffered deeply, as I decided to go he asked me not to.
Time went by, we almost lived together and did a lot of stuff side by side, he liked it sometimes and some others hated it. I found Out was pregnant and he asked me to move to his house, it was hard for him to face he was having a child because he loves Freedom, kind of a Peter Pan syndrom.
He was cruel ay first but when anger was kind of over he left his armour behind and told me he loved me, things got pretty intense and as it comes with a serious relationship we had a lot of troubles and he was always un the Middle of loving me preocupa loving Freedom and expectations.
When our baby was born it was pretty hard, he told me he didn’t want to commit with me so told me to leave his house, There I got really Hurt and stopped trusting him si when a week ago we came back but didn’t live together I had a predispossition to don’t leave myself fall into the fantasy. I had built dreams with this person who loved when it was all okay but couldn’t handle difficulties.
Finally he cheated on me at a hard time that we were having with an easy, disloyal just as him woman, he did not make him commit as he said to me when I confronted does not demand shit and also cheated on his boyfriend with him. She represents all the things he was afraid to loose and keeps him living as a teenager uncomprmised.
I ache, he told me he loved me but couldn’t hice more but come on man that is not love, I know the type of woman I AM and What I deserve can not accept halfs, specially having a child and giving my 100% for him and our family.
Now he is with her, I wonder if she is the woman he was needing and if he Will love her as much as did with me, I wonder if I was the one was wrong and now I just try to accept we are over, have to see him because of my child and males ir harder, he doesn’t Carr what I feel when he comments and replies things yo her at his profile, profile that I created to promote his Work.
I Wonder it the problem was me, if he already got over because this woman knows how to make him happy I fear it lasts and he commits as he didn’t do with me.
He thinks I was the problem his life wasn’t moving forward when his own childish perceptions are.
I ache a Lot. Think a Lot of stuff and can not find Peace.
March 12, 2017 at 12:35 pm #139071AnonymousGuestDear Maria Cepeda:
In order to attempt to answer your questions, I need to better understand:
When you were in the relationship with him, and especially when you lived together with him, before and after the birth of your child: were there arguments and fights between the two of you? If so, who started those arguments/fights? How did they “sound” like (yelling? Name calling?)
Who blamed whom, and for what? How often were those fights…
When he asked you to move out of his home, was that following a particular fight? What happened before you moved out; what led to it?
anita
March 12, 2017 at 1:37 pm #139079AnonymousInactiveAnita,
The both of us, they were pretty intense and I got hurt in several ways, when I was the one that started them it was because the way he trated me was not respectful, and when he started them was because of something I had done and annoyed him.
There was times when we argued a Lot and were difficult, those were the moments he told me to leave le changed his attitude towards our relationship.
He is not used to give anything for anyone, for me he kind of gave more than he “could” but says it was not enough, I showed him it was, but his hurtful ungrateful comments Made me get really upset and down.
March 12, 2017 at 6:26 pm #139083AnonymousInactiveI believe love is all about giving my best and my most for the other, even when things get difficult, he says I have a misconception of love and relationships, that a relationship is only yo enjoy with the other and when it is not happening why should one remain on it, but it is impossible to be ok and joyful all the time. So love stays There at the ups and the downs and values what has Been built, we had changed for each other, but he always seemed yo not ve fully on it because of his fear to commitment. He wants just the good part and I don’t believe that is the idea of love. Feel confused he is with someone already when he told me to leave his house he told me he wanted to be alone hace no commitment, but when we got back together he seemed yo change his mind once in a while, just as soon as things got hard he took again his possition, but started with this New person, so… She seems to be ok with it, is that what Will get him to commit and feel Ok?
March 12, 2017 at 6:49 pm #139091AnonymousGuestDear Maria Cepeda:
You wrote: “He wants just the good part (of a relationship)” and that “as soon as things got hard he took again his position (to disengage from the relationship)”.
If by “things got hard” you mean, as examples, financial difficulties, you got sick with the flu, unemployment, or the baby cried at night and it was hard for him to stay up at night- then yes, he is unreasonable and selfish, too selfish to be loving… or reasonable.
But if “things got hard ” means, for example (this is only an example), that you unnecessarily argue with him, every day, starting fights instead of having calm conversations, if the home is a “war zone” for him, then he is reasonable when he said “why should (he) remain in it (in the relationship).
The woman he is involved with, you wrote that you are afraid that ” this woman knows how to make him happy” and that “he commits (to her) as he didn’t do with me”. Again, if you were unreasonably aggressive with him, arguing and fighting, and this new woman is peaceful with him, then he may commit to her.
When he asked you to move from his home, with the baby- I assume that was with the pre-arrangement of where you and the baby will live safely? And does he provide for the baby, treat the baby well?
anita
March 12, 2017 at 8:02 pm #139099AnonymousInactiveIn fact, the reason he got us out of the house was the baby crying at night, and I would say both having into account every time I tried yo had a peaceful conversation with him he would avoid it until I Lost control.
Hope he Will happy with this new person he has no responsabilites with, and as every relationship starting, what could be wrong…
Thania you for your time, I guess it was both of us fault. Still with her, doesn’t seem quite happy.
March 12, 2017 at 8:08 pm #139101AnonymousInactiveI am sorry There are words that are not well written, as I speak spanish my cellphone keeps changing words :/
March 12, 2017 at 8:22 pm #139107AnonymousGuestDear Maria Cepeda:
You wrote that you tried to have calm conversations with him, he refused. Then he told you to leave his house, with his baby, because the baby was crying at night- he is way, way, way too selfish to be a good partner or father. Too bad he happens to be the father of your child.
I hope you choose a better man next: a man with whom you can and will have honest conversations, a calm relationship, and one who will be a good father (in practice, not biologically) to your child.
anita
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