Dear all,

I hope that you will not misread my post here or my intentions as I would like to give a different point of view here. One of the benefits of sharing stories in forums is to get different perspectives, which may be as many as the participants that post.

Anita gave you a perfectly viable feedback that you need to consider your own separation anxiety. I don’t know your age dream715 but 3 months is still early stages of a relationship. Guys are truly simple. If they like you they will just spend time with you, when they need intimate company. They don’t need the company of the woman all the time, they just know that she is out there, content that they have found her, not having to “hunt” for the time being, release the effort of finding a woman, consider the topic resolved and have some guy time, doing their things. He is not “reserved” for not sharing this with you, guys don’t feel closer to us by sharing stories like we do. Also he is making one step further to say he was sorry to have to spend a night without you.

But this is where you should not take further advantage of his good will. In fact, the situation where you spent 3 nights in a row and the fourth he declared he would drop you off at home and go elsewhere would be a red light for me. Not because this is a hot-and-cold relationship. Let me explain.

Is there ever a time when you planned things together and you were the one to have other plans instead? Do you always spend time on his terms, giving up everything else for him and making him your priority? For 3 nights in a row, while he has decided to spend them with you and not do something else, did you consider having other things to do too? Please be calm, things are still ok, he is honest with you and even giving you the privilege of knowing what his plans are. Many guys wouldn’t even do you the favor of making you aware of their plans.

“If he is a good man, he will feel empathy for you: he will feel closer to you if you share with him your vulnerabilities.” There’s sharing and there’s sharing. While sharing memories, passions, stories, events, moments does bring people closer, this phrase reads to me the danger of turning him into your counselor. This would either bring you two to codependency or push him away. Trust me he already knows about your vulnerability.

As you are still getting to know him and while you want to know if he is trustworthy, which is completely understandable as the world is full of all sorts of people, he is also getting to know you too and a guy would like to know if he would have the freedom to have his own time from time to time without hurting you. Because even if you don’t say anything about it, if he knows you are not happy while he is away, this would distress him.

Usually when a guy knows that you have anxiety in the relationship they just give you their time, hoping that when you see consistency as time goes by you will feel more secured. And as everything is going relatively smoothly now communicating to him that you feel insecure when you are not together every day or when he doesn’t text all the time would disappoint him and make him feel like his efforts are in vain. I know it is strange but it is how a guy’s brain works.

But as you I would also question myself, why spend 3 nights in a row, and then not invite you to a friends gathering?
He has already introduced you to other friends and even to his family, and you have been invited to make yourself comfortable in his house. So there is no place for doubt that his intentions are good.

I don’t want to cause you more anxiety, but please think, is it possible that you are not that social since you are with him, or not having enough of your own life, and he is starting to be less excited about you and taking you for granted? If you are getting closer together and spend 3 nights in a row, why not go together to a gathering where both you and him can have some variety with other people?

Sharing with him what he already knows does not move you ahead on this matter, but please don’t get mad on him either. If I were you I would question, why not have social life together, common friends? Maybe instead of telling him what he obviously already knows, I would look for gentle ways to communicate to him, that while it’s nice to spend time with him only, you would feel happy to go on gatherings with other people too.

Do you go out with your own friends? Why not invite him? Why not introduce him to your own family, if this is possible? Guys feel more respectful of you when they see there are social circles or hobbies where you have your own habitat. I would also think of ways to be more self sufficient, being able to have good time and be independent of his calling when to be together.