You have excessive empathy most likely.

Now, when I say ’empathy’, I do not refer to psychics and crystals and the like, I mean the human capacity to intuitively and cognitively perceive the emotional state of others. Inside the human brain, there are a special group of brain cells called ‘mirror neurons’, these are the source of human empathic ability. They literally cannot tell the difference between your emotional state, and the emotional state of others.

This is where many people become confused about psychopathy and the exact opposite of empathy. ‘Antisocial’ in everyday usage has come to mean being a homebody, shy, not wanting to go out. In fact, ‘Antisocial’ behavior in psychiatric terms means behaviors that don’t contribute to a social group in a positive sense. A person who lies, cheats, and steals has ‘antisocial behavior’. Perhaps ironically, antisocial people will be some of the most superficially charming people you will meet. A used car salesman might be a good example in this case.

What this has to do with you, is that us empathic folk naturally pick up the moods and emotions of others without realizing it. Oftentimes, addicts, wallflowers and those that pull themselves away from social settings because they can’t handle more of others emotions are the most empathic. Most don’t know this about themselves, and it is easy for them to get overloaded with the energies of others.

Have you read the gag advice often posted on Facebook that goes along the lines of “Before you diagnose yourself as depressed, first make sure that you are in fact not surrounded by jerks’? It’s something like that, be aware of your own self and feelings, and learn to filter out the input of others and you may see a drastic reduction in this agoraphobia. Keep in mind that having this empathic trait, when learned to use properly, can give you a distinct advantage in life and with people.

People are constantly advertising what their emotional state is, through micro expressions, body language, tone of voice, eye contact, et cetera, and we pick up on these cues subconsciously, and are also affected by them subconsciously. Being mindful can make all the difference.

Good luck with this, and I hope for the best outcome for you.

Hi Lauren,

It sounds like you are ready to start anew after you have reinvented yourself. I share a similar story in that I have decided about three years ago to reinvent myself. I did that by sort of isolating myself from my friends in a gradual process. Your true friends will understand what you are trying to do, so they will be there for you. You mentioned you occasionally speak to a few of your friends. Well I will assume those are your close ones. It is the quality of your friendships that matter, not the quantity.

Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. -Earl Nightingale

After a period of isolation, it is definitely hard to jump back into social gatherings, etc. What I did was basically make conversation with strangers whenever I go outside (in the park, supermarket, cafe, etc). Little by little, you build your confidence in interacting with people again, and then you’ll be back on your feet again in no time. Also, I should mention being outside in nature (parks, shores, gardens, etc) is conducive to helping you relax, think less, and “flow naturally”.

As the saying goes, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Hope this helps,
James