Dear John (30’s),

Looking back at my life, I spent too much time worrying about what other people think of me. I spent too much time thinking about whether or not I might be hurting someone’s feelings or disappointing them. I spent too much time worrying that I might reject someone, that I might not being doing the right thing, or not doing what someone else wanted me to do. I spent too much time worrying about what makes other people happy. I spent too much worrying if someone was going to like me or not. I spent too much time worrying if other people felt comfortable at and ease. I spent too much time feeling the pain, guilt, and shame of the past.

I spent too little time doing things such as enjoying myself and my solitude. Doing things for me because they made me happy. I spent too little time taking risks and trying things out to see if they fit.

If I could go back in time, then I would just take each day as it comes, for better or for worse, not always been driving so hard and fast towards something. I would talk more openly about my feelings, issues, problems, joys, and pains. I wouldn’t have held anything back for fear of seeming weak or like a failure or needy. I would have taken a few more slow breaths and enjoy each moment as it came. Even the more difficult ones. I would be open to not only giving love, but also receiving love and expressing my desire to receive love and my gratitude for having received it. I would treat people as my equals. Not above me. Not below me, but just a fellow human beings. I would stop comparing my life to other people’s and evaluating myself against others.

If I could do it all over again, I would reach-out and connect with others. Make time for others and allow them to make time for me. I would share more of myself with others – letting them know what I think and how I feel regardless if those thoughts and feelings only apply to a particular moment and don’t define me entirely as a human being.

I would want to be generous and help people. I want to give my time and attention to really get to know someone about who they are, where they have been, and where they might be going.

I would be myself in all the light and shadow that is there.

Sincerely,

John (80’s)

Dear L (26),
You have spent a lot of time worrying about when this time, old age, was going to come. You spent a lot of time worrying about dying and not about living. You worry too much about boyfriends and assignments. You worked really hard, and forgot how to play. You spent a lot of time criticizing yourself, and not enough time loving yourself. You are beautiful. Not because the boys told you that you are, but because you are. You walk around so injured. Stop, just because bad things have happened to you, doesn’t mean you are broken. You are beautiful not broken. Stop trying to fix the ones who don’t want to be saved. Stop trying to save the ones who hurt you. Saving them won’t fix you. Spend more time on what makes you happy, and less time worrying about finding someone to make you happy. Stop covering up your scars. They don’t make you different or less than anyone else. Don’t believe everything you think, and don’t get so caught up in being sad that you forget what it’s like to be happy. Forget about dating. You spend so much time running after boys or running from them that your soul gets hurt. You don’t need them to define you, to make you feel love. Love yourself first. This life was never easy for you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t stop struggling. Stop the struggle it’s not worth it. When you get to be my age you will have wished you had let go of that struggle a long time ago. Drink less wine and more tea. Laugh more, cry less.. But don’t be afraid to cry. It’s okay to get down, just don’t stay there too long. They will beat you up, and they will hurt you. Don’t let that define you. You can’t let all your trauma define you. They did not take anything from you. You are a whole person. Remember that when the fragmented pieces of your soul ache. Hold on, it’s actually beautiful when you get to be 80. So flush the pills and dump the wine. It was never a good plan. You have a beautiful soul, and you have been through a lot. You are not a victim. So stop feeling that way. You have only ever survived, and that has only ever made you strong. Hold on child, it does get better. Chin up. I know it hurts right now, but you cannot lose hope. You have so many beautiful moments to live.
Love,
L