My boyfriend and I, before we had met were both broken, lost and confused individuals due to our past relationships and broken homes. We both thought we’d never love or even know what love is until we met each other. In my heart, he is the one and he says the same to me. We talk about getting married, having plans and kids but every now and then we get in an argument about the same thing; his insensitivity and hard-headedness to my feelings.  If I tell him I’m upset with something or even him, he hits me with “logic” which is his thinking rather than be there for the person in front of him. He’s just so into his own thinking and own head, he almost seems numb to feeling or seeing emotion. I always try to communicate how I feel but he takes it as attacking him and somehow I’m the one saying sorry to him and pushing my own feelings aside. Example if I come home upset from work, he tells me do something about it then and ends it there. I tell him I just need him to be here for me and what he’s saying does make sense, but have a little empathy for me. Not make me feel like an idiot and shut me out simply because I am not the same as you! After talking he always says “you’re right, I have to be more sensitive and caring of your feelings. I am sorry” but this always happens! I really do believe he slowly is learning but every now and then he pushes me away saying maybe I should find someone else and he “doesn’t know if he believes in love”. It hurts me he says this not only personally but because I feel sad he sometimes thinks and feels this way! I know he says this to himself because he gets scared, I know he does love me. He just keeps telling himself this because this is all he thought for so long and scared to think otherwise in fear of disappointment. I always tell him love is right in front of you, love is here and most importantly you are love itself! We have this issue every few months but besides that, everything is perfect. We recently had this fight again but this time he said he sometimes thinks he’s better off on his own because he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. I asked if he wants to break up that is fine, but he said no. I am so confused and have a terrible aching feeling in my heart. I will always be by him as long as he wants me there, I want to prove to him unlike everyone in his life, I will always be there. Besides this issue, we are amazing together. We help each other grow and learn so many things from each other. I being the more emotional one and him being the more logical. I don’t know how to stop this on-going problem from arising. I feel like the arguments just make him feel worse because he starts beating himself up for “not changing and hurting me” and I feel for him, but then I’m the one consoling him rather than the other way around. He recognizes when this arises, it’s the same thing his father use to do to his mother and he does not want to end up like him. What can we both do differently to make these growing pains less painful? What is your insight? We both love each other very dearly but our method doesn’t seem to be working.

• This topic was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by tinybuddha.
• This topic was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by tinybuddha.