My fiance is a sweet man whom I love. He is what i see as a huge procrastinator and im also realizing we have different ideas of financial health and security. I’m having trouble letting go of trying to control his career decisions. He is 42 and on his third career, but is really not making the effort i expect in getting on track. We are in therapy and I don’t even want to go back to this therapist because she keeps counseling me on how i shold allow him to be unboxed and to just work on myself. How can I do that when my future is entwined in his decisions?
Before I met him he was a business man. He changed careers because he didn’t want to work in an office, i dont blame him. He then went to medical school and then began studying for the board exams, 3 really intense tests that people go crazy over with studying. He said he was studied all while we were dating……..for two years! But he rarely did and I kept noticing how he was totally procrastinating. He would sleep in, go to the gym around noon, eat lunch, then study and be over my place by 5. Mixed in there he sent me tons of emails, sweet, but another form of procrastination. He is constantly helping everyone around him, from best friends, family, to random strangers. He spends literally days helping other people. I feel shallow for saying that, but I see it as an avoidance behavior to face his own responsibilities.
After inevitably failing the first round of boards, he has decided to drop out. He now is thinking of going back to business but pretty much daily he throws out some random other idea that to me is usually very unpractical; sometimes something else he needs to go back to school for, starting a business (he has no money!)or sometimes a job that requires no more than a high school education and is very low paid. He took a very low paying labor job while he decides what to do, and it’s been 6 months with no resume work and not a single job application.

I am desperate to start a family as I am 37 and he is 42 and am not putting that on hold any longer. Financial security (I’m not talking MD salary, but something relative to all of the education he already has put in to) is very important to me because I come from a very low income family and financial struggle was the cornerstone of problems in my parents marriage. In fact, I can’t deny the childhood wound and the now parallel situation I find myself in. The reason is my father was very educated and brilliant, however he ultimately became a coal miner and suffered physically from the hard labor. My mother never accepted this decision and I don’t think I can either if my fiancé decides to be sporadically employed or waiting for greatness to occur and some perfect job to just present itself.

I don’t know how to support him, we are fighting a lot because he says I’m always on his back about this and he feels I don’t trust his ability to do something great. The problem is, he is right! After two years of watching him procrastinate and now 6 months of not applying for any new jobs, I don’t trust him. I can’t support a behavior I don’t respect.
I do love him, he’s a very good person.
What do I do?