My ex and I had been together for 5 years on and off he was scared to commit and he had cheated on me but I still stuck around that was going on for a good 3 years of our relationship and I was always faithful and by his side helping him though his mommy and daddy issues and his bipolar ness he never got physical with me but he would get really Nasty verbally sometimes, we had moved out together and that didn’t workout very well , anyways… just around September 2017 we had a break up and got back together he swore he changed and he just wanted me. He put me on the clouds and he started changing as a lover a lot and I liked the change, we even planned a trip to Mexico in January. Everything was changing and I was seeing a good future falling harder and harder for this man but I got cocky with it and  I felt like things were just going to go back to how they were like always and when I say always I mean ALWAYS. Well New Years came and I went to his house I did have a little bit of attitude and he wasn’t having it he kicked me out of his house and ended things once again… I was furious, because it was just like that! we were arguing for maybe 5mins and I was out, before that we were having an amazing day… and he did exactly the same thing again, just broke up with me because it was easier then talking….. it got closer to the Mexico trip and I told him I was still willing to go and maybe we can help our relationship out,he denied it and said he wanted to go alone and that it would be for the best.

As he was enjoying his trip I was sparking up an old flame to get my mind off things, I didn’t think it was that serious or anything since last time I talked to him I told him I was getting back with my ex, we never met in person, so it wasn’t a big deal…. Well as my ex was in his last week of his trip he was face timing me, messaging me, sending funny memes, and telling me he misses me and how I should have gone on the trip with him. When he came back we hangout a couple times not talking about our relationship. One day I had enough of going around it because we had problems so I let them out and we had a big argument and it ended with him telling me to find someone else that deserved me, so I did…. I continued to talk to this new guy, me and my ex were still fooling around.  I decided to finally meet up with the new guy on valentines day, and we hit it off! It was so amazing he’s so amazing, he is straight out of a movie, romantic, passionate, spontaneous, knows all the right things to say, we had a great connection instantly. I was so excited and this was my chance to finally get over my ex and start something new and fresh….. well when I saw my ex again he was trying to fool around and I wasn’t having it and I told him I was talking to someone else and I wanted to give him an honest chance he respected it and even told me “ I hope this man treats you right and makes you happy”, so with that blessing I continued to see the new guy. Everytime I was with him it just got better and better, I still thought about my ex but I thought he was fine with it all, but I was wrong his jelousy fired up and he was trying to win me over again sending me lovey dovey texts, showing up at my house he even went to my family members to ask them for advice on how to win me back or if he even had a chance anymore saying he is trying to change not only for our realtionship but for himself.

With all this, I decided I needed time to myself and I had told my ex and the new guy I needed my space, that didn’t last very long because I really wanted to see the new guy, so I was seeing the new guy and not my ex, I recently gave into seeing my ex and well he asked me if I was still seeing the new guy… I didn’t want to lie so I told him the truth and well he blew up I was crushed and it hurt me seeing him so upset, I ended up leaving and he told me he was done and he was helping me decide by taking him self out, I was being selfish and I got upset because he was doing the same thing he always does…just gives up when things get hard…. He was being pretty childish too telling me someone else is going to get all the love that I worked so hard too bring out of him, I told him I wanted to be with him but once I said it I regretted it I got a feeling inside of me that was telling me I was doing the wrong thing I looked at him and started crying, I can’t help myself around him I just want to make him happy like always putting my needs aside to please him which I’ve been doing for the past 5 years. I love my ex very deeply I mean we have so much history and we connect but I don’t know if I want the same things anymore this new guy changed me a lot in such a positive way.

So pretty much where I’m at right now is I want to be with the new guy and give myself something new but I also want to try and work things out with my ex since he says things are going to be different, my fear is going back to my ex and thinking about what it could have been with the new guy and vice versa,  I need to make up my mind and quick and I’m so lost I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m going crazy, I’ve never been in a situation like this and I feel like the universe is sending me this as a sign but I don’t know what to do with all of this….please help