I’ve been reading TinyBuddha for years, and have really found it helpful, but I’m new to the forums.  I am having a bit of a tough day, and was planning to post about why it seems that rotten people alway come out “on top,” but in the process of writing the post, I worked my way through it and realized that the problem is mine, and I’m attached to the outcome of things I can’t control, which never works.  I had already written the post, so I thought I would upload it anyway, and I am still interested in a discussion, if anyone has thoughts about this.

The short version is that every nasty, venal, aggressive and narcissistic person I’ve ever known or known of suddenly seems to be having their day in the sun.  The last straw for me was that a really nasty woman whom I’ve known personally just took control of a project away from a friend of mine when the project was almost complete, and finished it, and is now receiving all sorts of congratulatory praise.  This is her pattern and practice, but she’s a good manipulator, so she gets away with it.  She’s one of those people who is really good at politicking and manipulating people, though when someone crosses her, or actually requires her to do work, she has a meltdown and claims all sorts of persecution.  I know I should have some empathy for this woman, because she’s really, really damaged — happy, functional people don’t act like that — but on the other hand, having empathy for her shouldn’t translate into putting up with her crummy behavior.  If it were just her, it would be easier to write off, but this is kind of like the smelly cat-poo on top of the stinky sewer sundae.  Like I said before, it seems like everywhere I look, nasty, narcissistic, toxic people are getting away with all sorts of mean, rotten and horrible stuff.  I guess I’m having one of those “the universe isn’t fair” moments.  And while that’s a true statement, it doesn’t really matter.  Of course it’s not fair — it’s not fair in tons of ways worse than this, and on a daily basis.

The answer I’ve come to is that I’m trying to control things I can’t control, and that’s a misery-making waste of time.  I can’t do anything about narcissists deceiving people.  And, I can’t do anything about people who would rather believe pretty lies than deal with unpleasant truths.  All I can do is decide what kind of person I am going to be.  I must admit for a few minutes there I was seriously considering the “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” school of thought.  I wondered why I am bothering to try to do it right. Why not become a charlatan of some kind, and make a lot of money fleecing the sheeple in one way or another.  Why work hard when I could steal other people’s work?

After I took a few minutes to listen to my gut, the answer is simple:  That isn’t who I am.  I’m not a thief, I’m not a liar, I’m not a con-artist.  That’s not to say that I’m perfect.  I’m not. I’ve got plenty of problems, and some days I just don’t function all that well.  But when I crash, it turns inward.  My dysfunctions are many, but they don’t generally include attacking other people, or deciding that they aren’t *really* people, so I can take advantage of them without guilt.  That’s just not who I am.  Of course, I don’t have to put up with the bad behavior of other people *when it impacts me directly.*  But none of this does.  I can be a shoulder for my friend, and I can help out other people who need help, but this isn’t my battle.  Getting all wound up in it won’t help, because this isn’t something I have any control over.  All I can do is my best in my own little corner, and some days, that’s hard enough.