Hello there,

I’m not sure how many of you are familiar with the term, but it’s become rather prevalent over the past several years, with the rise of social media. In short, it’s basically someone who portrays and/or creates themselves to be someone that they are not altogether (via Facebook, twitter, etc.) in the hopes of “ensnaring” other individuals. In either case, i’m quite sure I mildly experienced it last week…recently, i’d been trying some online dating with little success over the past few months, when I received a very flirtatious text message last wednesday. Instantly of course (as i’m generally a very cautious person), I responded by asking who it was, to which they in turn responded with a “never mind” almost as if they were playing hard to get (I suppose this could have been red flag number one, but my curiosity prevailed). From there, they continued to flirt with me, and even ask more personal questions, to which I would answer. They then oddly enough requested to meet with me that evening, but I had reservations. I told them i’d agree to it once they sent me a picture, one i’d never receive. The next day I followed up with the individual inquiring about the photo, they indicated that they had wanted to send me one but had “changed their mind”. We began to exchange further messages, to which I asked them who they were again and how they got my number, and they of course side stepped the question and sent more flirting text messages. Now, at this point the “novelty” had worn off, and rather than actually meeting, I was more interested in just knowing who it was I was actually speaking with, so I continued to play along. I was skeptical for the entire time we had been conversing, but I suppose a part of me was hoping this in some way was legitimate? So finally, they requested to meet me again, to which I responded only under the condition that you tell me exactly who you are and send a picture of yourself…they responded “my name is Kyle and I can’t send pictures on this phone”, I was absolutely floored. As a 100% heterosexual male, I was not even CLOSE to seeing it coming. Further more, in our conversation, everything discussed eluded to this fact. So having learned this, I indicated to the gentlemen that I have nothing against gay men, or gay women for that matter, but have no interest in men what so ever, and left it at that. He then made some telling remarks that I believe are somewhat important in retrospect. He indicated he was “sorry, he just wanted to see what it was like” how he “didn’t want to make me mad, just understand” and even tried to pursue me further when I said it wasn’t a big deal, saying “it is, I should at least try it once”…although not initially, you can imagine the mix of emotions i’ve experienced up until this point, foolishness, embarrassment, anger (but mostly at myself). Even though I never necessarily believed what was going on, it’s clear a part of me wanted to believe the “idea” in my head…and that my ego is mad for not being able to deduce the truth sooner…the fear/anxiety part of me says “what if they post the whole conversation on Facebook” out of spite or to try and humiliate me…but then a funny thing happens, and it’s why I mentioned what they had said earlier. If you look and listen closely…they’re an individual with very low self-esteem, and it’s sad really. So rather than getting angry at them, or pitying them, i’m doing my best to have compassion for them. Because in truth, the problem isn’t so much them, that i’m continuing to struggle with currently, it’s me. A little over 6 months ago, I got out of a relationship that turned my whole world upside down, co-dependency, perfectionism, lack of self-love, insecurity, and fear. Just about everything you can name came spilling out, that was inside me for the last 25 years. And although i’ve made significant progress, I think the recent mishap just continued to shed light, to shake me up possibly, so I don’t grow complacent…and let me know, I still have a ways to go (cheers)