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Overwhelmed from Burnout & Family Crisis

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  • February 17, 2016 at 9:35 am #96289
    hakandragon
    Participant

    Hey all,

    First post here! Hope it’s okay to post here, I’m just struggling with finding avenues to share my thoughts and get feedback and perspective.

    In a nutshell, I’m 24, and I find myself in my last class of my 4 year Bachelor’s Degree (although more like 4 1/2 years by this point), in a brand new relationship, in a job that is boring and unfulfilling, and with a mom recently diagnosed with cancer and experiencing setback after setback in trying to receive treatment. Oh, and before all that, I was planning on moving out on my own for the first time.

    This is not a particularly *busy* time in my life — in years past going through my degree I worked full time *and* was in school full time, often driving back and forth between the two several times a day. Now as far as work and school, my schedule is comparatively empty! But emotionally right now I don’t know if I’ve ever been this burnt out and exhausted. I can barely drag myself out of bed in the mornings to go to work, and I can feel myself withdrawing from my relationships with friends and loved ones. I’d much rather sleep than go out for coffee or on a date or even a meal.

    Four months ago this was a transition period in my life to begin with. Moving, thinking about starting my own business (or at least finding a new job more aligned with my chosen field), planning out where and what I wanted my life to be like, now that I’m all growed up! ;p

    Now I’m experiencing more trips to and from the hospital than I can keep count of, and curve ball after curve ball in my mom getting (or *trying* to get) the treatment that she needs to get healthy again. It’s exhausting even to try and put into words.

    I’ve seen lots of articles and advice on *avoiding* burnout…but what do you do if you’re already there? I want nothing more than to “check out” and go on vacation, but for obvious reasons that’s not something that I think is in my timeline right now… Does anyone else have experience with “life” hitting them from seemingly all sides at once? What have you done to cope and get through, and heal yourself from that terrible burnout?

    xx
    Jesse

    • This topic was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by hakandragon.
    February 17, 2016 at 9:58 am #96302
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jesse:

    I am supposing it is the emotional distress over your mother’s illness and the difficulties in getting her treatment that is exhausting you most. There is the fear, the frustration and the interruption to your plans to move out and start a business or find a more suitable job for yourself.

    There are the obvious pieces of advice: meditation, imagery, hot baths, walks in nature etc. I have other thoughts as well, first I will ask you: did you talk to your mother about your distress over her illness and difficulties getting treatment? Over your frustration about not moving on with your personal plans?

    anita

    February 17, 2016 at 11:26 am #96307
    hakandragon
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Yes, it’s definitely the most exhausting. I think at this point there is so much frustration that she’s not able to receive the treatment she needs (through absolutely no fault of hers or anyone’s — maybe having no one to blame makes it difficult too?). We keep getting our hopes up that she’ll finally get what she needs, and then it doesn’t happen. It’s a lot of ups and downs, and the downs go down pretty far.

    I definitely don’t feel able to talk to my mom about my distress and frustrations…she needs to focus on getting better and dealing with her own emotions and everything that’s going on with her…she doesn’t need me essentially pouting and saying I can’t deal, especially when there’s not really anything that can be done about it, you know?

    February 17, 2016 at 12:12 pm #96314
    Shelly
    Participant

    Are you able to maybe see a counselor or therapist? I’ve gone through similar things and talking with someone who understands really helps, and they can also give you some solid advice.

    Like anita suggested, try and have some “me” time and relax. Meditation, being with nature, doing things you enjoy, etc. Take care of yourself, and don’t put too much on your plate at once.

    February 17, 2016 at 3:05 pm #96341
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear hakandragon:

    I read your last post and I understand your unwillingness to share your feelings with your mother at this point. In the original one you asked: “What have you done to cope and get through, and heal yourself from that terrible burnout?” Suggestions:

    Do less, place fewer things on your to do list and be okay with doing less.
    Be patient and gentle with yourself.
    Take care of yourself by eating well, resting, relaxing (relaxing music, yoga, meditation, hot baths, exercise..)
    There are support groups specific to adult children who are attending to sick parents, online and I suppose in person groups.

    And of course, you can post here anytime, express your feelings and thoughts, anytime.

    anita

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