Hi Vanessa,

It sounds really stressful to be having meltdowns every day. What do you get out of staying in a situation that results in these meltdowns?

It doesn’t sound like your BF will change. What can YOU change?

Craig

I’ll be straight up with you. He doesn’t respect you and the fact that he finds it *ridiculous* means that he’s not supportive.

You are putting too much pressure on yourself. Your reaction to these things may not be very healthy, HOWEVER, it makes sense for you to react in such a way considering your past (1), what it has resulted into, such as anxiety and PTSD (2), and your level of self-esteem (3).

Until you can get healthy and have a good relationship with yourself, you can’t have a good relationship with someone else. Right now, you’re trying to do way too much (save the relationship you have with someone who’s not willing to work through it with you while also trying to ‘grow’). You’re experiencing emotional overload. Good relationships require work, but they’re not hard and they don’t make people feel miserable like this. They’re also a two-way street. Trying to become a “porn positive” person is a surface level problem that would fix itself if you actually felt at peace internally and were with someone more understanding.

The choice is yours.

Dear V:

Going to couple therapy with your boyfriend is an excellent idea. Your healing from your PTSD is more important, is of a much higher value, than his pleasure watching porn. He has to stop it. And re-visit the issue in a year. This is my suggestion.

I just noticed, part of the title of your thread is “my anxiety is killing my relationship”- how about the optional title: My relationship is killing my healing?

Nothing is more important than your healing, your mental and physical well being. I sure hope the couple session will help him understand. Maybe a solution will be suggested that I can’t think of right now, one that will be accepted by you and him, one that will not stand in the way of your healing.

And you are very welcome. Anytime.

anita

Total agree with LadyGalaxy. He doesn’t respect you and you deserve better.

And you’re 21, you’re so young to be getting so stressed out! I myself suffer from anxiety and I dealt with the very same thing you are dealing with when I was the same age as you.

I had an ex who was obsessed with porn. He admitted being into it and showed me his huge collection of porn on his computer after I made the mistake and opened up to him about my kinks. He then tried getting me into it which I did at one point but being an artist I preferred drawing my own porn. Haha which he on numerous times told me he couldn’t get into. Ha

Porn in all honesty turns men weak. No, better yet, porn addiction DESTROYS men. There’s an excellent article on porn destroying men on the Menprovement website addressing this issue of porn destroying men and I totally suggest you take a look into it. Even some MEN are waking up to this fact and warn other men about it.

So your boyfriend’s destroying himself and not only that, but lying to himself. Honestly, you don’t need anyone like him in your life. There’s someone better out there for you who actually holds your regards in high standing instead of mocking you like what this person you are dating clearly is doing.

He is negative energy possibly an energy vampire and if you see yourself already as a person suffering from anxiety being with a person who beats you down and berates you about your feelings and does not take into consideration that he is hurting you, ditch him. Cut off this negative person from your life. As the saying goes, “there’s other fish in the sea.”

When I finally dumped my ex, I felt a huge load lift from my shoulders. Sure I was sad that it didn’t work out but I knew that the universe had someone better in mind for me.

Surround yourself with positive people of whom can uplift you and you uplift them, have a positive outlook on life, you have your whole life ahead of you at age 21.

Believe me, as someone who has been on pretty much all anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications in the book, I am now MEDICATION-FREE. Changing my outlook on life has helped me tremendously.

I stopped focusing on finding someone to make me happy and started focusing on getting ahead in life. I’m working towards a field of work I’m very much interested in. Self-studying and doing certificates online. I’ve met a very positive person who has helped me in so many ways I cannot describe.

Sure, I can still be pretty anxious at times but it’s not as bad as how it was in the past. I’ve found ways to cope and get around it.

V, your life will get better. Your anxiety will lessen. This will all be in the past and will be a learning experience for you. Protect yourself from people like your boyfriend. His intentions and actions do not benefit only exacerbate your problems.

If you still want to stay with him, ask him to take counseling for his unhealthy habit. Talk to him and have him listen to you instead of pass the buck. If he agrees to it, than try to work on your relationship with him. If he doesn’t, then lose the loser. He’s not going to change not even for you.

These are just my two-cents, but I think you deserve better.

Best of luck