I’ve been struggling with rocd for almost 4 months now and I’ve just become completely exhausted and depressed by the constant overthinking and checking if I still love my bf. I’ve had a few depressive episodes where I just finally accept it as reality and i plan to break up with my bf and it’s the most unbearable pain (suicidal ideation as well) but I feel like when I enter those episodes it’s like a weight has been lifted off me. I’m feeling a bit better now (still mild-moderate depression) but I still have that awful weight on my chest that I’m just not in love with him and that breaking up is the right thing to do which makes me feel like this all true I can’t even say that Im in love with him anymore because of all this torture I’m just so exhausted and I’m so afraid that maybe I’m getting these depressive episodes as a way of my brain essentially forcing me to break up with him. If he messages me and I feel happy my brain is just like “don’t forget you’re not in love with him anymore” or “you’re lying to him he deserves better”

Please someone help has anyone had this weight on their chest it doesn’t even give me anxiety anymore I’m just so exhausted and tired and I feel like I just want to give up and end this all I’m so fed up