Hello all,

I’ve been teaching middle school for the past 2 1/2 years at a small private school. When I accepted the job, it looked like everything I was interested in: an outdoor program, small classes, designing my own curriculum, small community…

The reality has been that the last few years have been the most emotionally draining and anxiety-ridden years of my adult life. I started therapy for the first time in my life. I likely can’t put all of it on this job (I also transitioned to a new city during this time with my partner), but I know that I don’t look forward to going to work, and that most/all of my triggers come from the time I spend at school. I have struggled immensely with feelings of being disrespected and feeling like I’m not connecting with the students – and I certainly don’t feel the light rush of inspiration when I teach. The apathy and entitlement of many students gets to me.

There are a lot of classic “mindful mentalities” that I often try to call into service, such as: don’t take it personally (meaning the students’ actions), practice patience, be compassionate, careful of expectations, respond instead of react, etc. etc. I’ve done a lot around these approaches and have experienced some small improvements, but after 2.5 years I’m wondering if it’s time to change. I’ll admit that part of me has hesitated to leave because I keep telling myself it will get better (and maybe I’m afraid to admit that I can’t make it work…).

This year I’ve committed myself to more self-love and a daily meditation practice, and find that my heart is opening and my anxiety is easing, slowly. I will say that my patience/calm index has increased slightly at work, and it takes immense personal effort to achieve this. As I experience more peace inside of me in my personal life, I’m not finding that it’s not necessarily translating into more peace in my work life. The kids (adolescents) are going through intense high and lows in which they are often unconcerned about me or my class, and this affects me. I know I am sensitive to this, probably more than other people.

Are there other teachers (or people who work in highly emotion volatile climates) who have had experiences like this? How do you keep the peace inside of you in the midst of such an emotional storm all around? And, if you can keep that peace, how do you do fulfilling work with people who are experiencing this? Are there some who decided that their disposition simply wasn’t compatible with this kind of environment? This is the question that I am working through now. I have witnessed and know that there are many adults who thrive and succeed in these highly-emotional environments, and I just may not be one of them.

Thank you for bearing with these thoughts, as this is the first time I’ve written them out in this way.

I am grateful for all of the connections, support, and guides I have encountered on this path of self-care and meditation so far.

Much thanks,
Josh