Dear jojogigo:

Social conventions are changing somewhat, becoming looser. And so you are between the “old world” and the “new world”. Having been loyal to the conventions, the rules of the old world, you didn’t see the payoff to it yet. And so you are disapproved of by the old world for not being ready to marry and you are disapproved of by the new world for still being a virgin.

You asked: “What is the solution for me? Sometimes I get so depressed that I just want to end it all. I can’t even speak about it to anyone for the fear of being judged.”

My suggested solution:

1. Thinking: Move your thinking away from the motivation to please others: be it the old world or the new world. Move away from trying to please your parents, the traditional conventions AND away from trying to please your peers and younger people.

2. Behavior: Since your traditional values regarding sex and women are deeply instilled and maintained for so long with perfection, I wouldn’t try to change behavior because it will lead to distress, to conflict. What I would do is seek marriage with a woman who is doing well financially, so that together, as a couple, you are able to get married, and have children, if you so choose, when the circumstances allow it.

What do you have to offer such a woman? For one, your virginity. There are women out there who would value that very much, to know that this man has never been with another woman; that she can not be compared to another; that she is the only one, past and present.

anita