Dear beckster5:

You concluded that your sister disapproves of you/ rejects you means that you are a terrible person.

It is possible that you are mistreating your sister and that she responds by criticizing you for trivial things, kind of not asserting herself with you about the real reasons, the … terrible things you do to her.

it is also possible that her way is that she dumps her negative emotions into you, feeling a temporary relief every time she points her finger at you. that gives her a relief from her regular pointing a finger at her self. Maybe she learned this behavior from a parent who did the same to you (the”black sheep” of the family?)

Maybe, maybe. How would I know… but I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion (as children do) that I am a terrible person. I will look into the evidence and entertain different possibilities. A conversation with her, if attempted or re-attempted honestly and assertively and with an open and courageous mind and heart may help in gathering evidence.

anita

Please reread what you have just written as though a stranger had written it.

You are a terrible person because someone else is not happy. Sorry what?

You say you have not had self esteem issues still recently but you don’t just suddenly learn this kind of thinking. This is classic black and white, catastrophic thinking. A few things go wrong so everything is bad, a few people don’t like something you do so all of you is terrible.

The trouble is the more you think like this and cancel plans with friends because you are busy beating yourself up over slights and others actions towards you (and it is you doing the majority of the beating-down) the more you create the same situations in your life.

Try treating yourself like someone you care about – tell yourself what you would tell them if they were in the same situation.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by niki.