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  • #59468
    serenity18
    Participant

    I have been with a man for 7 years. We have had a up and down relationship for better part of it. I was trying to get sober, I was 25 when I met him he was 38. He stayed by my side after my second DWI and said he would unconditionally love me. I understand this is codependency now. I was in and out of AA for 5 years, celebrating a year twice and relapsing. The whole time I wanted to get engaged and make a commitment with him but he used my sobriety as an excuse not to marry me yet. He didnt trust me due to wreckage of my alcholic past. I am sober a year now, we broke up in February because i was sick of the fighting and him living with his mom and not committing to an apartment or engagement. I felt like it was me the whole time like I wasnt good enough. I reconnected with an old bf who is a great guy and we dated past 3 months, well my ex was devastated and SWORE we would get engaged, lets try this again, he realized he was in a depression and wasnt taking care of himself and now he is in therapy and going to alanon. He has since moved into nyc and has his own place.
    I am so confused. I LOVE him a lot and always wanted it to work, but am afraid this is the boy that cried wolf. I dont want to pass up a great guy who WANTS to get married and move in together. But after 7 years my heart is still with my other bf. I want to go back and try the relationship, now I am sober and living a great life, but unsure of what to do. Any suggestions?

    • This topic was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by serenity18.
    #59478
    Kelly
    Participant

    I understand your reservations about reconciling with your ex, however “7 years my heart is still with my other bf” speaks volumes. For one thing, I think the loving thing to do is break off your current relationship whether you end up with your ex or not. It doesn’t really seem fair to him if your heart is with another. And something else to think about – it seems like your ex has stood by your side through a lot of personal turmoil. Maybe this is your time to find forgiveness and give him a second chance? Only you know what’s best for your heart, but reading your words it does truly seem like you wish to be with him. Try not to let fear take control of your love.

    #59480
    serenity18
    Participant

    Kelly- that was great response, thank you for taking the time to reply. Its funny, I thought most people would tell me to run and start fresh, but your response was on the money. Love and forgiveness, that is the theme of AA too. And you made me realize — IT IS FEAR that is getting in the way of my love, Fear I will never get what my heart desires. I have to be fear to the new guy too, he senses my heart isnt in it and questioning me alot. My ex has been there for me through thick and thin and we STILL want to try to make this work.
    thank you KellY!!

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