Hi ShamRocky,

the thing I’ve learnt with checking out other’s phone without their consent will usually lead us to unexpected (and often, disappointing finds). As the saying goes ‘if you dig for sh.. you will find sh..’

While understandably, it’ll be upsetting to see those messages, especially if it’s to another girl, but part of me tells me that if I were in his shoes, I’d go to my good guy friend for support and to rant too, since men will probably more or less think along the same lines and he could probably offer me some much needed advice at the same time, allowing me to rant.

1) ask yourself, do you trust what your boyfriend has told you? (is your gut feeling telling you otherwise?), are his actions consistent with him loving you? (supportive loving actions).

2) why did he say those words he said?, are there any issues on which you need to work on yourself? Sometimes loved ones might not tell us (they might not know how to bring it up) that we are over bearing or negative etc etc, and it may seemingly be ‘good’ until otherwise. We have to constantly vet our actions and words.

3) when the mood and timing is right, tell him gently that you’d prefer him not to talk with the girls when he needs to vent, and asks him how he thinks about it. Watch the tone and words used.

4) It is best if the checking stops. Honestly, if he is up to anything, there will be no clues left behind for you to uncover (we are all clever human beings), if he is not up to anything, checking either wastes your time or create issues that arent there in the first place.

Best of luck to you.