Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some somewhat clean-cut and straight to the point advice on what to do. My story is really rather long and complicated so I will get to the point.

To start things off I’m currently 17 and not attending school, dating a girl who is 18. We’ve been dating nearly 1 and ½ years now and things have gone relatively well. We currently live together with her father and brother (who are more a friend than fatherly/brotherly figures) as we both had issues at our mothers’ houses.

Her mother was emotionally abusive and controlling, did not allow her any money, freedom and little social interaction. She was essentially the house slave and was charged with doing ALL the housework alongside grade 12 AND full supervision of her two younger siblings, then aged 6 and 8. I had a situation nowhere near as bad, however, I did not get along with my stepdad or drug-adict older brother who my mother eventually kicked out.

I originally moved into her mother’s house to get away from my family for a while and to help them out with what I at first thought were real issues. That happened around 8 months into our relationship and after a mere 2 months living there we essentially “ran away” to her fathers – to help him out partially too.

Since then I’ve repaired my relationship with my family and we get along better than ever. She’s now somewhat reconnected with her father and for a fair while everything was going so great. Now we’ve hit some bumps in the road that seem to be recurring far too often.

The main issue is the household environment. For the most part, it is relatively okay and there’s only the minor issues here and there. The issue as of late is the sheer amount of household duties thrown upon me. I’m currently in charge of washing up 4-5 nights a week, cooking 2, doing half the vacuuming, all our laundry, the cat litter trays, mowing the lawn, tidying the gardens, doing most of the shopping and just general tidiness. Her father, her and I all work 20-40hr weeks and all have other commitments. I always find it unfair that despite the fact that I work just as much as them (also a harder job, too) that I should be stuck doing the housework. Her brother is just pure lazy and rarely helps and when he does I usually have to redo whatever he did as it is done appallingly. Every time I mention this to her it ends up in an argument with varying excuses and with me apologising for bringing it up. It often makes me upset as every time I try to bring up an issue, even stuff not related to house-work, she always pulls out the “I’m just not good enough” card and I end up feeling guilty. What should I do in these situations?

Another issue is our sex life. When we first started dating we’d both just come out of abusive relationships (hers was emotionally AND sexually abusive) and we both just “clicked’, per say. After the initial months of no sexual contact, and our first sexual encounters, we both had sex very often with one another. It was probably mostly in part to her sense of feeling “free” as sex with me was no longer a chore or guilt trip like her previous partner. As of roughly 3-4 months ago, sex has gone downhill. We now have sex once a fortnight if I’m lucky and if we do it is often rushed or very unenthusiastic. This, however, is not to say that we don’t have good sex and there is times when we have sex upwards of 4 times in a week (albeit rarely.) I often would like sex 2-3 times a week and if I even dare mention sex or even try to make a move, it often ends in an argument, emotional breakdowns on her end, or just a straight up “I’m not good enough for you” from her. I understand she is probably having issues but lately it seems that our sex drives no longer line up with one another.

That, for the most part, is the issues I’m facing. I’m starting to question our relationship or why I’m even with her some days and I often wonder what I get in return. I would, if possible like to salvage this relationship as apart from this, we get along well. We have the same morals, worldviews, interests, hobbies etc. and I doubt I’ll find someone remotely similar ever again. I would like some ideas on what to do when I’m forced into arguments or what to do in general or if I should just give up on this relationship. Any advice is welcome.

Thanks,

Luke.