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Want to move on and think objectively

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  • August 27, 2016 at 1:32 pm #113450
    Denise
    Participant

    Hello,

    I am working on moving on from a relationship. The guy and I are in the same group of friends and therefore I have to deal with my breakup while facing him regularly. To be honest I’m slowly accepting that the relationship is over. What I really want to know is how to differentiate between the things that I do have control over and things that I don’t have control over. I have gone through the grieving process (not fully but it is getting better), and I now know that I don’t have control over everything.

    But what do I do when I hear things like “Life is what you make it” and “Let go and let God” both at the same time? Those are two completely different things. Like for example when I fail in a career, I don’t know if my strategies are wrong or if I should just accept what happened. Or if a relationship fails, I don’t know if it’s because of my behaviour that caused the relationship to fail or if I should just accept what happened.

    I don’t know if I am making sense, I really hope I am. When should I accept things and when should I fix something?

    August 27, 2016 at 5:41 pm #113460
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Denise:

    First accept what is, simply because it is. Then if you want it different, ask yourself if it is possible for you to change it. Examine and understand what it is you are trying to change before you try to change it.

    Regarding the things you can change, often it is necessary to have another person cooperation in the change as you can’t do it alone. If what you want to change is in the context of a relationship, then you have to change together.

    If it is a feeling you have, accept it. Ask: what is the valid message in what I feel. Then it will change by itself, having delivered its message. If you are afraid to do X and you want to change and do X, then you have to accept that you are afraid and gently guide your scared self in doing what you are scared doing, patiently. When you are ready.

    Let me know if somewhere here I helped with your question.

    anita

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