Hi there,

I am new here to this site and actually to myself! I have had quite the journey and wanted to share. My journey started in 2005, when my 9 year old nephew died playing a foolish game called the “choking game”. It was an absolutely devastating time. the next two years I struggled with drinking, driving reckless, suicial thought and attempts. I felt like I had lost a limb. Wow! I thought that I would not have survived. But here I am and I am here to tell you that because my nephew died my life changed. I was empowered to take control of my life and not wait till tomorrow to do the things I wanted to do today. I was in a pretty bad relationship and I left my partner and I searched for the woman my heart longed for and I did not care what people said. I just wanted to have control over what I wanted, you never know when your life will end. So I left that partner in May 2008 and June 21,2008 (summer solstice) I was married to the woman my heart longed for for 13 years! It was fast and we were both criticized but when you know you know and you just go with it! Thankfully we have been happily married for 5.5 yrs! So after we got married we moved across the country starting a “fresh start”. We lived in Ontario, Canada for 5 yrs. While we were there and free from family stressors we were at peace and finding our way. In 2009, I hit rock bottom again. I hated myself, my body. everything and I did not know what was going on. I went to a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder. I was not confident in this diagnoses but I took the pills they gave me not for me but for my wife and kids. I questioned the diagnosis for quite some time. Then I went to my dr and asked to be referred to the Gender Identity clinic, it was that mental health team that told me that I did not have bipolar I had what was called Gender Dysphoria. This is something I struggled with my whole life and now it had a name and I knew that a new chapter was unfolding! I did transition from female to male and I have never been happier. I educate university students to put a face to being transgender and what makes it so wonderful is that we do it as a family. My wife and our oldest son public speak as the transition from female to male has not only affected me but every member of my family and friends and coworkers. I am also writing a book about this journey. I have been fortunate to have great, supportive people in my life that love and accept me not for who they think I should be but for who I am at my core. So, when people talk to me about their tragedies my heart goes out to them and I say ‘you may not know why this horrible thing is happening now but there is a reason, you may not know now but one day when you are ready’ I believe that if my nephew hadnt have passed away I would not be where I am today, I would not have reached this peak in my personal journey. I miss my nephew with everything in me but there is nothing that I can do to bring him back so I live like today is my last day, I embrace every moment and I know that one day my time will come and I will know that I lived my life for me. This is my purpose to find me and be at peace with my life. With this peace I do not judge and if I find myself judging I remember that we all have our own journey and just becasue it is not right for me it can be perfect for someone else.

Live and let live!