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what should I do? How should I feel?

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  • February 5, 2021 at 9:56 am #374086
    kdot
    Participant

    Hi Everyone,

    My girlfriend of about 2 years was able to win free tickets to a cruise. We decided on both going together but she had a change of heart and decided she will give the tickets to her Mom and Auntie which I was 100% ok with because they deserve it. But looks like the Mom was hinting she didn’t want to go so the plans were back on with her and I going on the cruise. All of a sudden she lets me know she will be taking her sister and is starting the process.

    I mean, this may not be a big deal and I know I am certainly not entitled to go but I just don’t know what to do at this point. I am sad but is me being sad justified? I am really trying the think through this logically. Should I confront her about it, stay silent about it? Man I am so confused. Maybe it’s the reasoning she gave: She feels indebted because of the surprise birthday party her sister gave her. Forgetting the fact I played a major part with setting up the birthday party also.

    How can I overcome this feeling of being used and tossed to the side?

    February 5, 2021 at 11:19 am #374103
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kdot;

    Seems to me that your girlfriend feels indebted to her mother and to her sister, that she wanted to go to the cruise with you, probably preferring to go with you, but then she started feeling guilty, like she has to give her resources (money, material goods, time, work) to her family first, not to her boyfriend.

    This kind of guilt, feeling indebted to the family of origin, may continue when she gets married, leading her to give much of her resources to her family of origin instead of to her family of choice (husband and children).

    “How should I feel?”- just the way you feel. “what should I do?”- talk to her, gently ask her to tell you more about that indebtedness feeling that she mentioned toward her sister, and maybe toward her mother. Ask her how it feels, when it started, get to know her better.

    anita

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