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When Something Beautiful Cannot be Realised (For Artists?)

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  • #44690
    Maison
    Participant

    Hey everyone,
    I wasn’t quite sure where to post this, it could also be under Art or Emotional Mastery. I love filmmaking, painting, writing.. any medium suited for my vision. I just love creating really; the high of coming up with a great idea, being able to capture it, and the payoff of being able to stand back at your work and feel like you captured a part of yourself. Like many artists, I enjoy recognition from others, and at a young age I am keen to continually demonstrate my skills as I develop and mature my artistic sensibilities.

    I’ve recently collaborated with two friends for a film competition. Right away, I was brainstorming at a freakish rate, and a vision was starting to take place. I had told them about my ideas and they enjoyed them but for our first sit down they decided to scrap them in favour for a more aesthetic, non-sensical piece. I was completely devastated. I had been thinking and thinking of ideas, and forming a connection to them. I waited to hear of any alternative ideas from them. But none came.

    I am the creator of the group: The writer, the cinematographer, the editor. A week passed devoid of my enthusiasm to muster them, but we eventually met. We came up with a premise, and my mind once again went into overdrive. It was a more democratic effort, but it was still 85% me and 15% them. Take my word for it that it would have been an amazing piece of film, and a great leap forward for me, personally. I don’t mean to blow my own horn, but I think it justifies the pain and torture I am experiencing. What went wrong?

    Circumstances out of my control saw me move interstate, at least for the duration of the production process. I wrote a massive document, detailing every shot with meticulous timing, possibly needed trouble-shooting and a partially completed storyboard. I wanted to ease the stress of production for them. It was all there, and I believe it was a winning film on paper. All they had to do was follow it. I am a perfectionist, and always have been, and I’ve measured myself by impossible standards that aim beyond professional quality, and capture some elusive quality that could only be described as bypassing the brain and resonating within the soul.

    So my friends had to film in the space of a week, which was a difficult feat. Because I was protective with my vision, I doubted their ability to capture it. They are film students like me, so you know. My friend, who I shall name ‘D’ called me the night before production started and told me I could trust him. I sensed he thought I didn’t have faith in him, or our other friend. Because I believed I had been a tad egotistical and felt bad for it, I relented, and did trust him.

    ‘D’s performance as the cameraman and filmmaker was absolutely terrible. He approached production over confidently, incredibly blaaze and naive. He thought he didn’t need my instructions, which were the very backbone of how the film would be cut together. He didn’t time any shots, he filmed only half of what I had instructed him, and routinely reminded everybody that he had to leave for work in X hours. He played on his phone until he was called to film. The footage was soft, or slightly out of focus.

    I don’t know what is worse here. That my distrust for others abilities is actually justified, the film doesn’t have enough footage to even be cut, or that I potentially won’t get to meet valuable contacts and advance in an industry where knowing people is key. Or that my vision, which I poured my heart and soul into, will never be vindicated or felt. Maybe that’s the worst one.

    All of this happened over three weeks, maybe four. The competition ends this coming Sunday.

    What can I take from this experience? And how can I deal with the loss of something so great that only I know of? It’s not something others can grasp because it’s in my head, sitting there. How can I make sure this doesn’t happen next time?

    Also, how would a person of grace and consideration handle this? I feel like I’ve touched on insensitivity at times and trying to craft something as difficult and arduous often brings out the worst in people.

    Thanks.

    #44698
    Matt
    Participant

    Maison,

    I’m sorry for the unmanifested dreams and visions, and the suffering you have from seeing the potential crumble. It can be painful to say to least, especially for artists. I am impressed by your passion. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

    The way I see art, it is not about us… its about creativity and energy colliding, connecting with a medium, and through that connection revealing some piece of magic, an aspect of nature. If your creativity is anything like mine, there are probably hundreds of inspirations that float through your vision. If we consider manifesting those visions as the source of our joy, then we miss out on the 99% that remain ephemeral. Said differently, if we attach to the manifested art as the source of our joy, then we only get a few breaths of happiness. If we can accept that the inspiration itself is a gift and a joy, then we can remain joyous no matter what.

    The benefit of approaching our artistry in such a way is it makes us resilliant to becoming big-headed when we get praise (which chokes our connection to inspiration ) as well as the aggravation that can arise when our art is unappreciated. For instance, in your situation, you were given the gift of a vision of a movie, and because it did not manifest, you suffer. If you could accept the vision itself as the gift, the joy, and open to it with gratitude instead of ego and “they failed me” then you could be content that you did your part as well as you could have and move on. This frees your mind to jump into another creation without looking back.

    This is what I do with my words to people online. I breathe in, digest the vision of their words, then breathe out from the heart my best artistry (capturing healing energy into words). Then I move on, find a new horizon, a new brother or sister in need and do it again. If I lamented every failed attempt, or celebrated each success, the actual flow of my energy would decrease. For me, the healing is the purpose, the actual words that come out are never exactly the same as the vision, words are too clunky…. but its not about me, its about my heart meeting up with each moment as clearly as it can. Similarly, I bet your heart sings in tune with the message behind your art, which is why you can flip between mediums so easily. However, in this case your medium was the group, and you flubbed it. You tried to paint a canvas that had its own agenda, its own texture, and the result is exactly what you put into it. This doesn’t mean that people can’t be trusted, it means that you chose partners that did not share your vision or passion. That’s not their fault, they were just being themselves.

    Also, consider that arts beauty arises not within the art itself… the art is just a lump of stone, pigments on canvas and so on. Rather, the beauty is in the connection it forms with the audience, and the thoughts and emotions it brings forward in their body.

    Namaste, friend, may you find love, light and limitless inspiration.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #44699
    John
    Participant

    I think real beauty is a team coming together to create something that captures, expresses, nurtures, and grows each and everyone’s unique talents and abilities. Which means, when we collaborate with others, we leave our egos at the door.

    “I was brainstorming.. ”
    “I am the creator of the group..”
    “I wrote a massive document..”
    “I was protective with my vision…”
    “I poured my heart and soul…”
    “I potentially won’t get to meet valuable contacts….”
    “I had instructed him…”

    To me, it doesn’t sound like a collaborative effort.

    If the expectations are clear up front that these individuals are here to serve you, realize your vision, that your the boss, your in control, that what you say goes, then you every right to be mad at them because your not getting your money’s worth. Fire these people and get better minions.

    Collaboration requires patience, compassion, compromise, nurturing, facilitation, and trust, where the collective gains of the group out weigh the needs of any one member.

    Be honest with yourself, do you really want to collaborate or simply dictate? There’s no right or wrong way to approach it. No one will judge you either way. Just be open and honest with others on where you coming from.

    • This reply was modified 11 years, 1 month ago by John.
    #44706
    UtahPhotog
    Participant

    As a fellow artist I understand not perfecting something and how it makes us feel; almost as if we’ve failed; but from the way you explain the situation I have to agree it sounds like you wanted to “dictate” rather than collaborate. If there was a problem with the guy who was filming, then that should have been nipped in the bud, from day 1. I don’t necessarily feel like you couldn’t trust him; obviously you had some trust in him when you asked him to film it? Art causes us to take a step back and look at the problem to figure out what we can do differently. This is a great time to evaluate what happened, make some changes and start over. Even if you created it and you documented it; if you aren’t “really there” to make sure it’s done the way you want it or you aren’t expressing your vision completely, the others won’t know what you want.

    Everything is a learning experience and you can’t expect to have something perfect when you (or them) are doing it for the first time. It takes practice. Even though he told you that he could be trusted to film it; it seems like there was a problem in his ability to do that (he could have actually been very nervous)

    Now, networking with contacts is where you should start. Reach out to other filmmakers, other writers or other people in the business that can refer you to others. All it takes is to reach out on a social network or a local event and say, “hey – I have an idea, I wrote a piece and I want to express it through a film; Do you know where I can start?” There’s always other film competitions and you can use what happened previously to make the experience better.

    #44761
    Maison
    Participant

    Matt, I appreciate your thoughts on art, and the process. And I think you’re right; inspiration is a joy, and I will try to appreciate it more in itself. My painting teacher once told me “Everybody lays in bed at night and has ideas.. it’s about waking the next morning and meeting the challenge of them.” But when things don’t work out, as they didn’t with this film, I can find pleasure in the ideas themselves. It’s a nice practice, thank you for that. I’ll think on your philosophy and approach to art. I’m always trying to find ways, non-scientific or scientific, to ‘boost’ my abilities.. but in the back of my mind I know creativity is this strange beast that comes and goes as it pleases. I guess all you can do is leave food out for it.

    John, yeah, it didn’t wind up as a purely three way effort. It started as an idea that we’d enter this film contest together, but it quickly became clear that I was the dominant one, creatively. I think I’m okay with this, because everybody has a position and falls into place; that’s how film crews operate. What we failed to do is establish who was in what position, and with what authority. My friend ‘D’ quickly resigned himself from the ideas process “I’m not good with this stuff”, but my other friend and I share a similar taste and did bounce well off each other. Ignoring the ego of it, I think I might need to assert myself as creative director next time. I love collaboration though, and in particular I’m looking for a partner who looks through the same lenses as me, though in a different way. The fruits of collaboration can be great! Maybe just not this time..

    UtahPhotog, I’ll make an effort to network and find filmmakers for particular roles. It’s a bit difficult at this stage, because we’re all new filmmakers; some are naturals and some are yet to gain these skills. And here I’m trying to claw further ahead, trying different things with an increasing complexity.. I don’t want to wait for others to catch up! That is my ego speaking. I guess things will come easier in time as I move into a professional capacity. For now, I will try to exercise better judgement in who will handle the filmmaking. And keep practising.

    Thanks all for the feedback!

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