Abusive daughter,I love her but I dont like her – where do I go from here

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    Profile photo of KatyT

    Hi I am very new to this amazing site and the forums. I am in a situation and I dont know what to do or how I move on.

    Long story short, I have an 18 year old daughter who has complex mental health issues, she has just come out of spending 4 weeks in a psych hospital and is seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist regularly. My daughter and I do not have a great relationship this I am not proud of. Everyone says that we dont get along because we are so similar.

    Where I am at the moment is 10 days ago my daughter and I had yet another fight and she became physically abusive to me (something that has happened before) she actually scared me quite a lot and tried to strangle me and threatened me with a hammer, she also hit her sister who intervened. My husband and I have decided that the best thing is for me and my other younger daughter to leave the family home and rent an apartment to give us some space and to get her some help. I am quite happy to do this as I dont really want to be in the house with her but I am feeling angry and resentful that I have to move and that this is putting a financial burden on our family. I find I cant even be civil to her at the moment.

    I am completely lost as to where I go from here how do I mend a relationship with her, how do I “love” her again. I dont know what to do or where to get help.

    If you have gotten this far thank you xx

    Profile photo of anita

    Dear cathietheo:

    Do protect yourself and your other daughter from the physical threat posed by your abusive daughter by living separately and in any other way.

    Do you know what is in the core of your 18 year old’s “complex mental health issues”? When did things start going wrong for her, at what age, under what circumstances?


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