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bullied by sister in law

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  • May 29, 2015 at 11:09 am #77468
    Stasia
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    My husbands sister does not care for me.
    That is her choice and I try very hard to avoid her. We live in different states. Everyone has flaws but this woman is over 50 years old and acts like a toddler. She throws tantrums to the point of nobody in her own family confronting her. She has told me herself that her neighbors do not like her, her former coworkers do not like her, she has had problems with her childs teachers. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is simply a mean person and I avoid her.
    Not a problem.
    Here is the problem:
    Around age 48 she decided to adopt her first child. She has a beautiful daughter now entering kintergarden. She fights and argues with the little girl like a peer, forgetting her adult role. She will “baby talk” and stick her tongue out at the girl. The husband is oblivious. He just sits there silently, I believe he is also a mean person, he seems to have no friends and cannot keep a job for long.
    The last time I saw them I offered to give my husband some alone time with his sister and put the little girl to bed. It was also a nice relief for me to be away from the mean sister in law! So I tucked the little girl in and we were about to read some books and she showed me how she masturbates.
    She went so far as to say “sometimes it really hurts”.
    I was in complete and total shock, acted as though I didn’t hear her, and said “which book should we read?”
    I don’t think that children are naturally sexual at that age, and if so, not to the point of physical pain.
    Is this woman actually mean enough to physically harm her daughter?
    This has been bothering me for a very long time. She even posts very suggestive photos of the girl online with captions like “miss sexy” and things like that, while the child is posing in a bathing suit or topless.
    This is beyond the fact that she has said countless cruel things to me and other members of her own family.
    She is beyond disturbing. Any advice is appreciated.

    May 29, 2015 at 11:44 am #77469
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Stasia:
    When you wrote about your sister in law that her neighbors and co workers don’t like her, it says nothing to me because I don’t know WHO those neighbors and co workers are: are they decent people or are they … child molesters themselves… “Nobody likes her” is not an assertion that has any weight with me.

    What has weight with me is: “She fights and argues with the little girl like a peer…She will ‘baby talk’ and stick her tongue out at the girl.” This is relevant evidence to me that your sister in law is abusive to her daughter. Whether she engages in physical sexual stimulation of her daughter or masturbates in front of her daughter- there is no way for me to know, or for you to know at this point. What is certain is that her parenting of the unfortunate girl is inappropriate and abusive emotionally, including sexually.

    The problem with her husband is again, not that he doesn’t have friends (a decent person may prefer seclusion and have no friends and an abusive person- and there are examples of even serial murderers may have plenty of friends…), but that he witnesses the abuse of the little girl and does nothing to stop it.

    Another comment: I believe that children at this age- at any age- having sexual sensations and masturbating some is not unnatural, maybe even quite natural. You may want to research that…I knos a few young children that did express sexual experiences and I have seen very young children touching themselves.

    What about contacting child protective agency in the state where she lives, having the online evidence that you have to support sexual abuse and state your experiene with what the girl told you? Ask for their advice as to what to do? Continue to monitor her online postings- you might get even stronger evidence of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse of the little girl does not have include the mother actually having sex with the girl. Sexual abuse can be in the postings online by themselves.

    Hope you do help the unfortunate little girl. How unfortunate for her to be adopted by this woman…
    anita

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