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Dont know what to do

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  • #80769
    Katy
    Participant

    After splitting from my husband of 30 years I spent 7 years on my own by choice. I then met a lovely man a year ago, my life was uncomplicated and happy. My new partner has a very complicated and stressful life and because of this I find that one minute everything is happy exciting and I love being with him, but then the next minute he gets very depressed because of his stressful career and also family issues. I love him very much but I cannot get use to the drastic ups and downs. I am going from a person that hardly ever cried to someone who cries every week now.I just don’t know what to do.

    #80782
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear royalblue:

    How complicated was your married life of 30 years? If complicated, all of it or part of it, the ending of it perhaps, can you tell me about the complication/ distress of it?

    Were all your seven years since uncomplicated? Any of the seven years? Can you tell me about the experience of the uncompicatedness..?

    anita

    #80806
    Katy
    Participant

    Hi Anita, I had a very happy marriage for the majority, I would say the last 5 years were very unhappy, my husband suffered from depression and he pushed me away in the end and I myself was very depressed for the first 2 years of our breakup. I then got myself together and moved on with my life building up my career , buying a house and generally having a happy stress free life. My 3 wonderful children are now all grown up and self supportive. The man I met is a wonderful person but he has the world on his shoulders and it scares me that I could be going down the same path being with someone that can suffer with depression. I am thinking that I would rather be on my own for the rest of my life than feel the way I do at the moment.

    #80875
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear royalblue:

    I concur, agree with your sentiment. Happy marriage for the majority, three self supportive adult children, a house, career, stress free life- a winning combination of past, present and future, I think. Not all win (ex husband’s depression and yours as well)- I would go for increasing/ maximizing the good life and decreasing/ minimizing the pain.

    anita

    #80882
    Katy
    Participant

    Thanks for the advice Anita. I always thought I was strong emotionally but it turns out I am not. Having said that I feel that as difficult as it would be I could walk away if I had to. I just would really like things to work out, I have a very loving family and good friends but I do not want to confide in them as I think relationships are private and I don’t want them to judge. I do still have girly holidays and go out with my friends as I became quite independent while I was on my own and my partner does not have a problem with that at all.

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