July 2, 2013 at 3:06 pm #37849
I just realized now at 24 years old I’m freakishly emotionally unavailable to well…anyone. That includes my family, friends and the mates I choose. I can’t seem to let my shields down at all even when I try. Every boyfriend I’ve had I always stop caring about them as soon as we start dating. I don’t get it really because on the outside I’m charismatic, funny and charming and I want to care but I just cant seem to. People always care for me more than I think I can give. Sometimes I worry that I subconsciously cut people off do ward off rejection and pain. How can I stop this?July 2, 2013 at 5:31 pm #37858
Well I guess my very honest advice would be ask yourself (which it seems you already have) why is this a problem? I think within that answer will lie the solution. Simply put, if you don’t care about people and aren’t available to them then eventually they won’t be available to you either.
That doesn’t of course mean that you have to care about everybody. Some people aren’t right for us.
So my question would be why do you feel bad about this? Because if you don’t, then there isn’t a problem. Although as I mentioned I think you do feel bad.
Also I would add you shouldn’t feel too bad about this. Life will teach you 🙂
Peace and good luck.July 2, 2013 at 6:38 pm #37863
Sometimes when we are unable to feel emotions (feel “blah”) and the sparkle seems to have left from the world, it is because we’ve been forgetting to nurture ourselves and others. What do you do for self care?
People-pleasers often fill up their tanks on the newness of a situation, but after awhile the newness wears off and the energy fades. They find that the pleasure from being charming and dancing for others doesn’t really nourish their roots.
Instead, what we can do is work on nurturing ourselves. This is not selfish! One of my teachers said that it is like they tell you on an airplane… in the case of a loss of cabin pressure, put on your own mask first… and then help others. If we go to put on our children’s mask first, for example, we run out of air and both of us are left without breath. When we self nurture, it is just like this.
The energy of overcoming the feeling of blah is generosity. Put a few dollars in your pocket and give it to someone in need. Go somewhere alone and be gentle with yourself, “breathing in I am looking at the beauty of nature, breathing out i wish to be happy and share happiness with others”. Soon, there will be so much inward beauty that the world won’t have to be sparkly anymore, because it will be sparkly inside. Its from that sparkle that lasting love comes forward like an endless river!