Forum Replies Created
February 28, 2014 at 2:42 pm #52032
Some very good posts by others.
Confidence comes with age and experience. It really does. That doesn’t mean that your so called ‘social anxiety’ disappears, it’s more that you become relaxed about it. You actually start to appreciate it. Because all it means is you are a sensitive person, and that’s a good thing. The world needs sensitive people. You will start to see it as a positive and it won’t affect you so much. That’s what happened to me anyway 🙂
All the best.July 8, 2013 at 2:10 pm #38190
Hmm difficult one. Whenever I go through a period when everything seems a bit stale I do two things:
Firstly I remember all the things I’ve wanted to do or interests I have but haven’t got round to exploring, and pick them up and do them. I actually keep a mental list of these things so that I’m ready with them when things become stale around me.
Secondly I look out for new things and experiences and pursue them.
Basically I try to incorporate some new element or perspective into my life by either revisiting something or finding something new.
Don’t know if any of that helps, but good luck 🙂July 6, 2013 at 3:59 am #38050
Well it seems that none of you quite know exactly what you want. Nothing wrong with that. But for your own peace of mind you need to be honest with yourself. You have love for him but at the moment you don’t want to be with him. So of course you could tell him that you see him as a good friend. But doesn’t he know this already.
He’s giving himself space from the situation by going away. This sounds like an excellent plan for him. This doesn’t mean you can’t remain friends.
From my own experience one of my best friends is someone I was in a relationship with. The love between us remains, it just morphs into a different kind of love.July 5, 2013 at 4:00 pm #38032
To me it seems that maybe you should be the hero in this situation. Which means doing the right thing but not necessarily the easy thing. And I would suggest that means removing yourself from the whole situation for a bit and giving it space. I don’t mean not having any contact with him, just less. Give your ex space to be with his current girlfriend. He may say he loves you but he is currently with someone else. You need to respect that. I would suggest that you concentrate on some other part of your life that you are passionate about. A hobby, work, study etc.
Give yourself and everybody else space and time to work out what they really want etc. To me that would be what the hero does in that situation. And I think it’ll make you feel good about yourself.
Good luck 🙂July 5, 2013 at 3:48 pm #38031
Like you say it sounds like you need to talk to somebody and let all out a bit. I would suggest your parents unless you have a good reason not to. If not your parents then a friend that you feel comfortable with. Basically somebody who you feel will respond in a positive way. When you’re young it’s sometimes good to have somebody older that you can talk to who sees things from a different perspective. (Parents or family are generally best) If there’s really nobody (and I doubt that) then maybe online is a good place. Which you are kind of doing right now. Although I think someone you know, face to face is generally best.
Also let me just say one of the things I’ve learnt is that there is no harm at all in letting your guard down and being vulnerable with people you trust. In fact it’s a very necessary thing sometimes.
I also agree with Pat that suffering is suffering. Don’t feel bad about how you feel.
Good luck 🙂July 5, 2013 at 3:27 pm #38029
There’s a lot of wisdom in what Matt has said. If I was in your situation, and if you haven’t sent him a message yet, I would send the type of message that Matt suggests and then plan some things for yourself to enjoy for the next few days. Go and have some fun. You’ll forget your worries.
And then when you’re least expecting, ‘beep’ all of a sudden you’ll have a message from him.July 2, 2013 at 5:31 pm #37858
Well I guess my very honest advice would be ask yourself (which it seems you already have) why is this a problem? I think within that answer will lie the solution. Simply put, if you don’t care about people and aren’t available to them then eventually they won’t be available to you either.
That doesn’t of course mean that you have to care about everybody. Some people aren’t right for us.
So my question would be why do you feel bad about this? Because if you don’t, then there isn’t a problem. Although as I mentioned I think you do feel bad.
Also I would add you shouldn’t feel too bad about this. Life will teach you 🙂
Peace and good luck.July 2, 2013 at 5:06 pm #37856
First of all sorry for your pain – it’s horrible. I’ve been there. It hurts like hell.
I’m going to cut to the chase. I think you need to move out of the apartment as soon as possible. That’s not a good situation to be in. I think it will give you a bit of a feeling of being in control. And that’s what you need.
Beyond that I have things to say you probably don’t want to hear.
Firstly if she did the things you say – facebook message, uploading facebook pictures and moving into the same building as you. That is truly horrible. Which means she’s not the nice person you think she is. This happened to me actually. I fell in love with somebody who turned out not to be the person I thought she was. It took me a long time to get over that.
Secondly I have the cliched things to say which although cliches are nonetheless true. You need to grieve and that’s fine. Don’t feel bad about grieving. While you’re grieving realise that you don’t currently have an objective view of the whole situation. And that’s fine. But with time you will gain an objective view of it. Of what happened, of who she is and also of who you are. This I guarantee will come though.
Also remember the future is unknown and therefore full of possibilities that you can’t even imagine at the moment. Which also means it’s outside of your control. But you can control the present and like I said at the beginning I would move out of the apartment as soon as possible.
Peace and good luck.July 2, 2013 at 4:28 pm #37852
These are my suggestions – things that I do or that have helped me out of dark places and lead a more positive life. Maybe they can help you too.
First of all I would say there is both a physical and a mental/spiritual aspect to most problems.
On the physical side:
Make sure you have the best treatment that works for you. What I mean by that is make sure the medication you’re taking makes you feel better and that the doctor you have makes you feel better. Very important. Don’t put up with a doctor that doesn’t work for you. Or medication that doesn’t work for you.
Also on the physical side, it’s obvious but nonetheless true. Eat healthily. It’s very easy to give into the temptation of junk food. But when temptation rears it’s head, all you have to do is just disregard it for a few seconds and start preparing a healthy meal. Once you start preparing it you won’t be thinking about the junk food anymore. And certainly once you start eating the healthy food you won’t be thinking about the junk food at all. The benefits of eating healthily cannot be over estimated.
One the mental/spiritual side:
I highly recommend some sort of therapy. Most of us don’t have somebody who is objective that we can talk to about our problems on a regular basis. It can be very beneficial. Once again same as with the doctor. Make sure they work for you. That they make you feel better – or at least that they make you feel that it is positive in some way.
Surround yourself as much as you can with positive people. People that make you feel positive. It doesn’t matter who they are, whether you know them well or not. With those positive people be open and communicate with them and listen to them – engage with them.
The number one thing for me that gets me out of dark places is to concentrate, look for and recognise beauty wherever I see it, every day. It’s amazing what that can do to every part of your life.
Good luck and peace. And remember you are much stronger than you might think you are.