Hi There,

OK, I was “your friend” who let the friendship die and wouldn’t give “closure”. This is my perspective.

1. It is very possible that she thought you were getting too close to the family. (My friend was obsessed with my family. It was kind of weird.)

2. SOMETHING must have happened last vacation. Did you say something, not say something, do something, not do something? Did you flirt with the husband? (Not saying you did.) Did you monopolize their family time? Leave wet towels on the bathroom floor? Let them pay for everything?

3. Maybe they are having problems you don’t know about. Maybe the husband was the one that wanted family time. Maybe he said “We’re only inviting these other people”. Who knows??

4. PROBABLY she thought that you would be tagging along on all her family’s vacation time. Like, maybe they LEGITIMATELY (sorry) wanted to spend some ALONE time, having an actual VACATION. I know this is harsh but listen to this: My old friend would ask every other month: “SO… What are you doing for Easter/Christmas/Spring Break/Summer/Thanksgiving??” We’d end up having her family over for the holidays OR she would HAPPEN to be in the state we would be at and then call to meet up. It got to the point where DH and I joked about one day telling her, “Oh, we’re in France,” and then get a call from Paris while we were in Hawaii.

The worst episode was when she was all, “SO… What are you doing for Fourth of July?” I said, “We’re going to my Dad’s.” It was kind of obvious she was digging for an invitation. At this point I was trying unsuccessfully to do the Slow Fade in between bouts of our arguments. I somehow got the family to my Dad’s by SNEAKING OUT OF MY OWN HOUSE. Well, she “happens” to go see the fireworks at my dad’s neighbor’s house!! She’s calling from her cell phone: “SO… I’m right next door!!”

5. If she did not respond to your FB, texts, calls and emails, DO NOT go over to her house and have a confrontation! If you do, you will only prove that she in fact made the right decision.

6. I did tell my friend “No, you can’t visit us, I need some space and family only time” once and it was like a bomb went off. The friendship wasn’t the same after I put up that one boundary. Then she was all “confrontational”: “What’s bothering you?” “Um, I need space.” “What is it about me that’s really bothering you?” “Um, no space??”

Are you sure you’re not boundary busting by asking, “Well, this other family got a whole week, I should get a few days!” I mean, we don’t get unlimited vacation time! Let the family be with just each other. Yikes.

7. Way out there, and may not be the reality AT ALL. BUT! Did the husband give the wife the impression that you ever flirted with him? Or did the wife ever pick up the vibe that you liked the husband? Even if this is not the case, based on the email she sent, “Family first” also includes husband/wife time!

Sorry so harsh, but I would leave this family alone.

Speaking from the “Other Side”

• This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Inky.

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago. My best friend just abruptly ceased all contact. I too emailed and messaged her to find out why, and to try and mend the rift if I could, but I got no response. It hurt so much for so long but I finally made the decision to let it go. It’s not easy to do but so freeing. Sending you love and light and positive thoughts!