Forum Replies Created
October 18, 2019 at 5:58 am #318519
Usually I believe in “all’s fair in love and war”.
But this guy is a tool. Imagine a future where you reciprocate. You will either be the side piece or the girl who broke up their relationship. What he should do is confess to you without being drunk, gross and alone. THEN break up with his girlfriend. OR quietly let the girlfriend go THEN confess to you soberly, and respectfully.
And let’s say his relationship doesn’t last. You go out with him. One day he’ll be creeping on some other poor girl behind your back.
He’s not all that and a bag of chips. This I promise you.
October 13, 2019 at 11:50 am #317625
- This reply was modified 1 hour, 33 minutes ago by Inky.
YOU move. While he’s at work (or out for a long time) quietly and quickly move your clothes, computer and papers so when he comes home all he’ll see are empty closets. Big ticket items like furniture, appliances and wall art leave if need be. He will either destroy them or move out himself when the lease is up. Have NO way for him to contact you. Have your landlord tell you when he has truly moved out so you can get any remaining things he does not take with him. The giving up of the stuff is The Guilt Ransom you can pay. But you are now in a Hostage Situation. Leave.
InkyOctober 12, 2019 at 8:41 am #317461
Sounds like a toxic group. The girl you talked to could trigger your girlfriend that much? The ex is in the group and she goes off with him in retaliation? Well, if she does dump you, you could always hang out with the other girl! Things are awkward? Let them be awkward!
At every university there are clubs. Join a club, even to give you a break from your studying! Thank God you have a good roommate.
Good Luck in your major!
InkyOctober 11, 2019 at 5:35 am #317301
There will always be noises! I suggest calming classical music, soothing substances (i.e. chamomile tea, drugs, melatonin) and a Comfort Blanket.
Comfort Blankets you can find online or even in some Bed and Bath stores. They are weighted blankets that help with anxiety.
Tapestries and rugs are good too. Anything that muffles sound. Noise cancelling headphones.
And this sounds counterintuitive: Can you befriend the neighbors and…”accidentally” crash on their couch? Maybe if you associate that room with a good nights sleep you will “own” it in your mind?
InkyOctober 11, 2019 at 5:26 am #317299
“The Best of Inky Award Goes to…” *opens envelope* “…Inky!”
“Thank You, Thank You!”
*bows* 😉October 10, 2019 at 1:26 pm #317189
It sounds like your family is Pre-Grieving the immanent death of your grandmother. So your mother has no time or bandwidth to emotionally or physically take care of you. Thus the getting your life together comment. What, does she expect you to be married with a career by now? For everything to be “fine”?
It also looks like you had quite a few missed connections in Spain. Keep in mind that people romanticize the past! Was it really your spiritual home? Or was it the bittersweet emotions of all those guys? Be honest with yourself.
Don’t be surprised to find that after you meet those qualifications you will have outgrown Spain.
Sorry to be a Debbie Downer.
This reminds me of me and Vermont! Oh, Vermont! Oh, driving all that way from Maine to see my first love who was so not worthy of me! Now it’s merely a great place to ski. (Some winters.)
October 10, 2019 at 1:05 pm #317183
- This reply was modified 1 week ago by Inky.
For goodness sake, people, what about chemistry? The last I checked (and felt) looks aren’t everything. There have been men I was attracted to that I would never admit to! Yes, even bald men. Yes, even small men. Yes, even older men. Yes, even the guy with the glasses.
There have also been attractive men that smelled “off”. Had no game. Felt like my brother.
Meanwhile I’m crushing on the little cameraman from New York and telling the model, “Get lost, kid! You’re bothering me!”
You can be a sexy beast to someone and not even know! Believe it! Live it!
Now go out there and swagger!
InkyOctober 9, 2019 at 10:20 am #316949
Wow, she must think her mate value is way above yours for her to make so many off handed comments. After twenty years she is that secure that you would never leave, eh?
Buy some new expensive clothes and shoes. Read GQ. Read Men’s Health. Wear Aviator sunglasses. Go to the gym. Train for a run a marathon. Eat Keto. Put cologne on every morning. Make that New Years Resolution TODAY.
She will think that you’ve met somebody. Of course, swear up and down that you haven’t, but keep the reason for your sudden upgrade vague. Mention every other month or so that another person at the gym wondered if you were that celebrity (or another!!) from afar or from the back. “Which person?” “Oh some girl in my spin class.”
I PROMISE you that you will suddenly (!!) be deemed attractive.
My favorite love anecdote is when a woman was asked if her partner was attractive she paused, thought about it, and said, “I don’t know!!”
October 8, 2019 at 11:00 am #316753
- This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by Inky.
1. Simply not be there for these “mandatory” late hours once or twice a year. No one can argue with a toothache, right??
2. Change the mood. Order pizza, and offer coffee or chocolate for everyone.
3. When someone slams a door, tell them to shut it quietly. Offer a chocolate. When someone is aggravated, tell them that it stresses you out. Offer a chocolate. Commiserate. Say you hate being there as much as anyone.
4. Tell everyone you are going out for dinner/drinks after if anyone wants to join you.
5. Ask, “Is it me??” He/she/they will fall over backwards assuring you that it’s not you!
InkyOctober 7, 2019 at 2:10 pm #316581
Hi faber castell,
Well, meeting people for the first time would give anyone anxiety LOL.
I say if you’re unsure, let the other person make the suggestion whether to meet again.
Then after the third date if you’re not feeling it, then dump them. It doesn’t matter how polite and nice they are.
And obviously if they are rude, gross, off, etc. get rid of them.
If you’re talking about people you’ve known a while… I would suggest thinking about people you KNOW you ALREADY like rather than wondering if random guys will fill that relationship role.
InkyOctober 3, 2019 at 10:31 am #315819
I am so sorry about the miscarriage and stillbirth. Having been through it, it really does a number on the family. Grief is a funny thing and everyone goes through it differently. Your wife is not “over it”, she is processing it in a certain way.
It would be best to stay married to your wife until your youngest goes to college.
You really don’t want to blow up everyone’s life by divorcing in the middle of child raising. If this other woman is a forever person, she will still be there several years from now.
InkyOctober 2, 2019 at 7:05 am #315515
This is a classic dynamic as old as time. Guy and girl become friends. Guys and girl get so close one of two things will happen: They will either become Lovers or Siblings. You have been virtual siblings for so many years. He is your obvious mate, but you wouldn’t sleep with your brother, would you? And yet, he’s not your brother!
He is feeling exactly the same way. You two fight because since you can’t make passionate love, the passion comes out through fights!
Confess your feelings, one of you! Of course, the relationship will never be the same, but something different WOULD be preferable at this point.
InkyOctober 1, 2019 at 8:57 am #315347
It’s not you. You found an empty condom box. Clearly, it’s not you.
The boy is gaslighting you. That’s when his version of reality doesn’t match actual Reality. Then YOU think you’re the one who’s crazy. Clue Phone! He WANTS you to think you’re crazy!
What I, Inky, would do is to date other guys and not notify him. Then when (WHEN!) HE calls YOU and asks if you’re seeing anyone, or if you guys are in a relationship say, “Oh, sure babe!” and carry on being awesome.
Drop the Rope,
InkySeptember 29, 2019 at 9:10 am #315017
Good for you!!
The last time I decided to go off social media, I checked it “one last time”. Well, that was how I found out my friend’s son died as it was happening!!! If it weren’t for FB, I wouldn’t have been there for her for perhaps days later!! So, to me, social media is a necessary evil.
I’m a lurker. I don’t post a lot, but am still in the know.
The good news though, is people are using FB less and less. Soon people will be using, say, Instagram less and less. The problem will really take care of itself if you do nothing. They’ll move on to the next big thing.
If you do go off social media, you will be confronted. Just say, “Oh, I’m not really on FB/Instagram/whatever anymore”.
As for that person, you can Hide him/her maybe?
Just Being Honest and Wish I Could Do It,
InkySeptember 27, 2019 at 7:39 am #314629
Very nice poem, LiamJames!!
Will you send it to the person you were thinking about when you wrote it?