Forum Replies Created
January 28, 2020 at 11:06 am #335528
No, I haven’t seen them in a while. Anita is still here though!!
If you put @ before their names they should get an email alert, I think. People have done that before and they might make a special guest appearance!
InkyJanuary 27, 2020 at 9:05 am #335318
Hey, long time no see!! Yes, I am doing well. Glad you have more fur babies and are continuing spiritual practices and studies!
Update: All my kids (my life) are grown and flown. I am still typing away on Tiny Buddha. Took up running and am working on a writing project. My beloved cat Tubbs died, but haven’t been quite ready to adopt another enlightened being. Will gladly adopt my daughter’s cat Taco though if she ever can’t keep him.
InkyJanuary 26, 2020 at 11:59 am #335186
He may not want you back. In any case, he is with someone.
However! There is a small chance that he’ll say, “Yes”! Ask him out, maybe next year. Be honest. Say that you really love your freedom, but if it could be a casual thing: Dinner. A movie. A roll in the hay. Once a month or so, that would be lovely.
Relationships don’t have to be all or nothing.
InkyJanuary 26, 2020 at 11:41 am #335180
It might be a cultural thing. I am so used to people with small families. They do happen 😉
It sounds like you don’t want the girl to catch wind of your family’s problems. I don’t think she would. Also, it depends on the girl.
Relax and just get the girl!
InkyJanuary 25, 2020 at 12:17 pm #335020
Your father has so many siblings that all you have to say is, “Here are my three aunts and uncles and their spouses and children”. You don’t have to mention the others! Unless her parents come along and want to do a detailed genealogy, in which case say, “Maybe you’ll see them next year!” After all, they might be seeing their in-law’s for the holidays.
You don’t even have to let your own children know about your missing aunts and uncles. *waving my hand here*. My twenty three year old daughter JUST found out I have a cousin that I never mentioned. Why would I? Well, tons of reasons. Why burden the world with my old problems?
People don’t care about your parents’ siblings. Believe me, they really don’t. I have best friends and I honestly don’t know who their relatives are.
InkyJanuary 24, 2020 at 5:44 am #334832
Wow, there is so much here. Do you mind if I number my thoughts?
1. You have to internalize that your mother failed in her role as a mother. In a fundamental way. You have to find a way to internalize that “OK” stamp.
2. The Bible has this idea of God as your actual Parent. (Or the Universe, if you will.) There is even a line where, “Though my father and mother abandon me, You take me in”. So view yourself as literally a Child of the Universe. A Child of God. When your parent fails, The Universe swoops in. And it has, hasn’t it? Look harder.
3. People move all the time. Move and don’t tell anyone. Then when they bring your old place up say, “Oh it wasn’t working out so I moved closer to the city or to a real village with shops, etc.” Be bored when you say it as if you moved years ago.
4. Get your license. Even people who hate to drive, or claim to hate to drive need one. It’s another form of identity and makes life so much easier in any case.
5. The Universe has given you its “OK”. You are an adult. You are here. You are well. You made it, despite everything! Imagine you are a forest creature. Forest creatures shuffle around, complete in their forest creature-ness. They aren’t tormented that they aren’t forest creature enough. They just are, dammit! And they will fight if their mother tries to take their food. Ha!
6. Maybe take a break from talking to your mother. Then you can hear “you” more clearly.
7. If you want to study psychology, you can! It’s not too late! I promise you! Thirty? You’re not old!
InkyJanuary 23, 2020 at 9:38 am #334652
Ugh. The tired ten year old “You create your own reality” New Age blaming the victim trope.
So when I go through a seemingly hard time in life people will ask, “What lesson did you learn from The Universe (about your horrible experience that you energetically brought on yourself)?”
I answer things like, “The Life Lessons I gave the people who did me wrong was a Summer Program in Boundaries, an Advanced Course on the folly of Intellectual Arrogance and two Semesters on The Court System.” 🙂
They are thunderstruck and leave Inky, their Professor/Master, well enough alone.
InkyJanuary 22, 2020 at 6:37 am #334508
I love how he moves to London and quickly decides it’s not his place. Well, what if Rome isn’t your place?
Also, you have been seeing this guy for over a decade. Do you want marriage? Children? It’s time to get real about if that’s what you ultimately want.
Instead of blaming your brain and trying to rewire your hard drive which may be telling YOU that this is WRONG…
What I would do is take a break from him and fly back to London. Be back home for a month. You will have more clarity.
I would rather be a girlfriend that flies to Italy every month or so to meet her lover than have panic attacks in Rome over some guy who may or may not be my future husband.
But that’s just me.
InkyJanuary 21, 2020 at 8:20 am #334419
Sorry my response is a week later!!
Clearly you already have anger in you or you wouldn’t be consumed by it. What I would do is listen to what I call “Victory Anger” music. i.e. “I’m a Survivor”, “We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together”, “It’s Gonna Be Me”, etc.
Every day sing and dance to it. Get Angry! Feel Victorious! Then, in every day life, you will be surprisingly calm.
InkyJanuary 20, 2020 at 11:29 am #334335
I for one HATE Facebook calls and Skype, etc.
Only my beloved children am I relaxed for about video chats.
But I hate viewing my best friends, my sister, etc. I don’t know why either. Maybe I don’t think I look “great” or I’m not photogenic. Another of my friends is NOT photogenic. He always looks like a creeper when he video chats. He looks like Jabba the Hut, only Jabba is more attractive.
Give both of you a break and just CALL. Then when you see each other in person it will be awesome.
InkyJanuary 19, 2020 at 6:21 am #334201
May I just add that it is SO common for Millennials to live with their parents! Don’t beat yourself up for it. In my day people would joke of the thirty year old guy still living with his parents. Now it’s not funny. It’s reality.
InkyJanuary 18, 2020 at 7:41 am #334115
The culture of the Tiny Buddha forums is to ask a question related to the topic you choose. In this case, under Emotional Mastery you would ask a question pertaining to your own emotional mastery. For example, “Dear Tiny Buddha Community, My pet has died. How do I cope with the loss of it?”
InkyJanuary 17, 2020 at 5:21 am #333997
Go to the library and online and look up “Reparenting”.
You do need to reparent yourself. That is, give yourself the love, attention, kind words, things and experiences that your own parents never gave you.
You can also do “Ancestral Healing” (another thing to look up).
As we heal ourselves, we also heal our ancestral lines so your own children don’t carry that energy. It sounds like you’re doing a beautiful job raising them, but it’s important to clear away any generational psychic debris left by your very own parents.
InkyJanuary 16, 2020 at 9:32 am #333859
This LDR may not work. You have to be even MORE emotional to keep the relationship going if it’s long distance. When you see each other all the time, you can ironically get away with not showing as much emotion.
Make sure this manning up thing isn’t just an excuse not to work on the relationship.
I’m biased, and I think everyone knows how I feel about LDRs: Good Luck!
InkyJanuary 16, 2020 at 9:26 am #333857
If you delete his number he can always call you, right? Maybe write it down and throw it in a drawer just in case.
This sounds crazy, but getting a reading or doing a workshop at a metaphysical center can help “clear” any unforgiveness you have for yourself.
Also, the fact that you told him that you essentially thought he was surface-y in the friendship MIGHT have been the wake up call he needed. Even if it was on New Years.