Forum Replies Created
August 19, 2019 at 8:42 am #308557
It’s the worst when we want to lose someone but they haven’t done anything technically “wrong”.
One thing that I did accidentally was I hired a gay decorator. We ended up talking all day! My husband came home and he didn’t see a gay decorator. He saw some guy that his wife hung out with in the house alone all day. And oh by the way gave him dinner! After that Himself took me out to dinner, lunch and a movie. Splashed on a humorous amount of cologne. Made mad love to me. Brought me coffee in bed. I was all, “But Babe, he’s gay”… but I digress.
I’m not saying have an affair. I am saying to buy an oldie but goodie book like Kosher Adultery to spice up your marriage.
I would say “Get Out!” but divorce is expensive.
InkyAugust 18, 2019 at 7:32 am #308441
Does she live with you? If so, close the bedroom or even bathroom door after fifteen minutes of this nonsense.
If she doesn’t listen to you, you can: “forget” you were supposed to meet, say you’re “busy”, arrive late, leave early, not answer every text, not return every phone call, answer multiple texts with one emoji, cut the call short.
If you want to have fun, tell her that every time she badmouths another girl you’re going to take a drink. Turn it into a drinking game! If you’re not old enough to drink, just play with your phone and mutter, “Go on, I’m listening” when you clearly aren’t.
Drive her crazy: Tell her you’re entering a beauty pageant. Do it! There are many “average” girls who enter, actually.
Tell her you’re modelling for a local company. Do it! Local businesses love familiar town faces in their ads.
Tell her in front of your whole family that you love grandma’s nose and how you love looking like everyone else in the family. She will see that the people who matter love you no matter what.
InkyAugust 17, 2019 at 6:54 am #308343
Just tell him what you told us and that you need a break. He will understand as no one wants to think that they’re suffocating others. After a week or so you should be able to see more clearly see if it’s your feelings for him or anxiety.
August 17, 2019 at 6:50 am #308341
- This reply was modified 2 days, 11 hours ago by Inky.
Yes, all bets are off while traveling! That is why it’s so important to eat well and exercise every day when at home!
InkyAugust 16, 2019 at 5:25 am #308185
Well, occasionally we have to go on the road for vacation, business, events, etc. I’ve noticed even if you eat “well” on the road, it doesn’t translate to the scale at home. I could eat the rogue bananas at a Dunkin’ Donuts, order a salad at a restaurant, pass on my friend’s dessert, and go on multiple walking tours, but still feel bloated and gross when we get home. At home if I have the Dunkin’ Donuts banana, order a salad for lunch, forgo ice cream after dinner and walk around the block I feel amazing! Go figure!
InkyAugust 16, 2019 at 5:17 am #308183
It’s too bad your mom has a disability. Narcissist or not, it good you can help her. A big HOWEVER here! For your own sanity, you have to start limiting your care. Whether it is in limiting your time, in outsourcing to other people, or boundaries. It is essential. As long as she has food, shelter, clothing and health care, you have done your duty. The emotional stuff not so much!
InkyAugust 15, 2019 at 4:23 pm #308143
I believe more and more in reincarnation. I believe in heaven as well. I also believe that part of us lives on in our children. I additionally believe we return to the Earth. There are many soul aspects to us.
May you find peace in several of them!
InkyAugust 14, 2019 at 8:11 am #307883
First of all your handle: Are you in pre-med or pursuing a PhD program? If so, then I totally support you taking a break from having a long distance relationship.
If this is “just” existential angst, I get it. I also “give you permission” to dump your boyfriend. It sounds like you are an intellectual person who is having trouble listening to your gut and heart.
Can you phrase it to him as “taking a break”? “Finding myself”?
Putting a lot of things in quotes to help you *feel* what it is you need.
August 14, 2019 at 8:01 am #307879
- This reply was modified 5 days, 10 hours ago by Inky.
I usually prefer to eat three meals.
I try to eat consistently throughout the day. When I do fast, it’s a challenge, I’m not gonna lie.
I hate to be a scale watcher, but I eat a little less when I gain weight or I’m not at my current goal (right now my intention is to lose two pounds a month TOTALLY realistic for me). Then when I am, I’ll loosen up a little.
Traveling is a huge challenge. I eat normally when out, but eat impeccably when at home.
Snacks and calorie drinks are obviously the first things to go. Then it gets tricky. I run and exercise everyday. Then I’ll eat fruit in the morning and vegetarian the rest of the day. OR fruit in the morning and vegetarian for lunch and Paleo at night. Cheese is my beloved downfall. Don’t think I can gracefully go vegan as a lifestyle.
I’ve tried Paleo, Vegan, moderation, raw food, you name it! They all work, but only if you work it. It sounds like you are more into maintenance which is awesome!
Good Luck! Obviously I’ve been thinking a lot about this stuff too.
InkyAugust 13, 2019 at 7:32 am #307773
I think I have it under control, in regards to being relaxed around food, but *trigger warning!* I’m fat!
The way some people do it in the city (which can be very social in regards to eating) is: If you have dinner at night, simply don’t eat breakfast and/or lunch the next day. If you have lunch out, don’t have dinner. If you have a brunch, don’t eat until dinner. You get the idea.
It sounds like you are naturally a two meal a day person. Like if you lived on a desert island and never got socialized, you would naturally eat bananas and coconuts in the morning and not fry fish on the fire at night because you weren’t hungry enough to go fishing after that.
Honor your two meal a day tendency as long as your doc says you are a healthy weight and your blood work is OK.
InkyAugust 12, 2019 at 8:16 am #307647
Do you know what he looks like? Do you know if he’s really your age? Does he have a real name (that’s attached to him)?
If the looks, age and name check out, why wouldn’t you want to (someday) meet him in person?
You could confess to him without it being “A Confession”.
Just tell him, “If we ever got together IRL, that would either be amazing or ruin everything LOL” and see what he says.
But regardless, give him the chance to miss you. Start talking way less.
InkyAugust 11, 2019 at 9:32 am #307575
Introverts don’t like crowds of people. Period. We like one-on-one. And we get energized by isolation. Parties and gatherings deplete us.
Now, if you can’t connect with people one-on-one, that’s a whole other issue.
Sometimes having a task can calm us down. A mission. A reason why you’re there.
I have this too, and I get anxiety calling my freaking own friends to come over and get together. Early rejection could be the reason why, even if we don’t remember it or blocked the memory. All I can say is even if they say “No”, people like to be invited. Keep inviting, keep giving, keep helping. That is the deep conversation.
InkyAugust 10, 2019 at 6:56 am #307405
Were you hoping that by hanging around your friend a lot you would become her boyfriend by default?
Does she know how you feel?
I would stop your usual texting/contact with her. Like by a lot. Once a month sounds sane and non-threatening to the new guy.
And just because she’s seeing someone doesn’t mean she’s in love. It means this person is a good fit, and let’s see how long this lasts! Unless, of course, she said she was seeing someone because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings if you were to ask her out. Have you met this guy? Is he real?
InkyAugust 9, 2019 at 5:11 am #307269
You’ve heard the expression about fish and guests only being good for five days, right?
I have some dearest friends in the world and beloved family, but I seldom allow myself or them to stay for weeks on end.
Tell your beloved sister that this is not working. It’s not her (well, it is, LOL) it’s not you, it’s that you are two older ladies. You both are set in your ways, flexibility is not your middle name, and that NEXT visit, let’s cut it down to a long weekend.
Change the script. Take a trip. Go for a walk. Don’t cook. Close the bedroom door. YOU visit a friend and leave her to housesit. Go to an event (alone) and stagger home late.
InkyAugust 8, 2019 at 4:57 am #307137
Speaking as a person who FINALLY got validation from That Guy, I can tell you… it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
K is right. Guys at that age, when you actually talk to them (or when they eventually open their mouths) tend to be dull and boring.
Maybe in class pretend to be and carry yourself as That Girl. Make believe that he desperately wants validation from YOU, but he’s too dull and shy to approach you. Then at the end of class, finally give him a crumb of attention with a That Girl attitude. Like you know he likes you.