July 24, 2020 at 8:44 pm #362661MangoParticipant
I never thought I’d come to the day where I have no idea whats going on in my best friends life. (Well, my best friend from high school- its only been 3 years since I graduated). In high school, we were attached at the hip, and did everything together. Now I don’t even know how to approach the situation, because its been so long. I never thought it would be like this. I was thinking about this on my drive home the other day- I have absolutely no clue whats going on in my two close friends life. I haven’t genuinely talked or saw my friends since new years eve. It’s not like we’ve ignored each other- we all have our own life and have been busy. We’ve had small talk every so often. But in my opinion, you make time for what matters to you. I’ve tried to get together numerous times with both of them, but something always comes up on their end. I love my friends, I do and I know how crazy life can get- but I’m not asking for much… just a simple meet for coffee or go for a quick bike ride. Things come up, I get it. I’m just at the point where I’m tired of trying so hard- and not getting the effort reciprocated. I feel most of my relationships I give and care so much more than I receive. It’s really damaging to my self confidence when I realize the feeling/effort in the relationship isn’t mutual.
I’m different from most in my generation- my friends know that. What I mean is that I hate texting, and am horrible at talking over the phone. I’m a old fashioned, face to face person. So I wanted to reach out to my friends in some way that was easier for me to do. I wrote my two close friends letters. Just basically telling them I miss them, and I hope their doing well with school, family etc. One friend just had a birthday, so I wished her happy birthday again and wished her luck with school. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter what I wrote, its the effort I put into reaching out, because I care so so much about them.
It’s been brought to my attention, that because we are living different lives and have changed since high school, maybe this is the reason we have drifted somewhat. Whatever the reason, I have a hard time letting go of anyone in my life, especially those who have been there most my life. Even those who have hurt me over and over again, (different story) I still have so much love/care in my heart for them. I’ve decided I’m going to just see what happens- if someone is showing effort to get together, then great. If not, then I guess this is a stepping stone to other friends I should spend more time with in my life now. I’m not sure what else to do, because I’m tired of trying so hard and getting disappointed. Any advice?July 25, 2020 at 6:38 am #362685anitaParticipant
Your decision to “just see what happens- if someone is showing effort to get together, then great. If not, then (not)” – reads reasonable to me.
You wrote a sentence that stood out for me: “Even those who have hurt me over and over again, (different story) I still have so much love/ care in my heart for them”- I have a feeling that if you elaborate on this sentence/ tell a bit about that different story, I will have more to say.
anitaJuly 25, 2020 at 11:23 am #362708InkyParticipant
It will never be the same, I’m afraid. And it shouldn’t be this hard. The pandemic just makes it worse, and the introverts get to be hermits. But it’s the extroverts who suffer! This is also so typical. After high school people just shoot off in different trajectories and seldom look back. That’s why they created high school reunions.
I think it’s harder because it sounds like everyone is in the same area so there is really no excuse.
My rule of thumb is after three failed attempts or cancellations give it up. Then perhaps next year throw a party, send invites, and if they come, they come.