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How to Reconnect with my family over past mistakes

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  • #359063
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Ok, so, a bit of background information about this before I get started.

    When I was 9, I had touched my little brother while changing his diaper. I felt guilty about this and confessed this to my mom at 13, to which she replied that it was normal and I had nothing to worry about.

    Now, the second incident. It happened when I was again 13, just months before the whole confession. I had been masterbating when my now five year old little brother exclaimed that his mouth hurt. So, I did the only thing I could do at that time, dug inside to see what was the problem. Then I remembered where my hands had been shortly before and I quickly took them out. I thought nothing of it, until now. I feel disgusting and ashamed, and the worse part is, I don’t know how to confess this. “Hey mom, when I was 13, I masturbated and then touched  inside my five year old brother’s mouth! Hope you understand!” She would completely disown me, regardless if it was an accident or not. My mother is a very clean person and to know that her daughter did this would be inexcusable. She would abandon me, and to be honest, I would not blame her.

    I apologized to my brother, (whose oblivious to the whole situation), and have tried to connect with him again. I’m the oldest of five, but yet I’m the one to cause the most harm. I feel as though I don’t deserve my family or their love, but I’m too scared and disgusted to confess. What do I do? I love my family, more than anything in the world and I don’t want to lose them because of something disgusting and iditocic I did. What should I do?

    #359067
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Guilt and Cookies:

    I suggest that you see a professional psychotherapist/ counselor and bring up the topic of your thread in the professional, private setting of psychotherapy. What troubles is significant enough to require professional assistance, and the sensitive topic itself requires a private setting, not a public setting such as these and other forums.

    anita

    #359086
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Guilt and Cookies,

    Maybe an affirmation, “I forgive myself for anything/everything I did before I was eighteen” or “I forgive my childhood self” could do the trick.

    Kids do a lot of gross, crazy, and inappropriate stuff. They are, by definition, immature. Meaning they are half baked. I knew kids who hung cats in the woods. You think they feel guilty now? If they do, they’d never admit to it and moved on. At least you are tormented by guilt. But how much longer are you going to beat yourself up?

    Best,

    Inky

    #359106
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear Inky,

    Thanks for understanding. I’m still very disturbed by it and honestly did not mean to do it. I love my little brother and would never do anything intentionally to hurt him. I regretted it the moment I realized it and have regretted it ever since. It’s been eating me up inside. It was a mistake, a mistake I will never be able to take back. I prayed even though I don’t believe in God and have tried hard to make up for it. I feel sick and shameful when I think of it, since I was already having bad thoughts, this pushed it all over. Thanks for replying.

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