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How to fix everything with my ex after what my friends did to his new relationsh

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  • September 30, 2016 at 7:29 pm #116825
    Hanidashhan
    Participant

    My ex and I broken up few months ago and we still talk and hang out after that. He broke up with me because he has liked another person and straight jump into the relationship with that person. After that the person went on overseas and along those period of time, we did hang out and after that we did what we did like we use to when we were in relationship even though he was so happy in his current relationship. Thing went down when one of my besties went behind my back and told his gf what my ex had been doing behind her back. My besties did it to protect me and they felt it was the right thing to do although it was not their place to do it.
    Now my ex and I are not able to be friends anymore. I still care and love him. I feel very guilty that what my friends did even it wasnt me who did it. But it has affected my ex new relationship and now i think he despise me.
    What should i do to fix everything?

    September 30, 2016 at 8:15 pm #116836
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear hanidashhan:

    As to your question: “What should I do to fix everything?”

    You can’t fix everything and it is not your job to fix everything…because you didn’t break everything.

    Your ex boyfriend chose to end his relationship with you, start a relationship with another woman, then continue an intimate relationship with you. These are his choices. Your previous best friend chose to contact his girlfriend and tell her about the going ons, this is her choice.

    Your choice is to be intimate with your ex boyfriend while he had a new girlfriend oversees. You are only responsible for your choice. You are only responsible for your behavior, not for the others.

    So tell the boyfriend that it was a mistake for the two of you to be intimate when he had another girlfriend (notice a mistake on the part of the TWO of you). If you know his girlfriend, you can apologize to her about your part in the intimacy (don’t apologize for his part, you didn’t force him). And regarding your former best friend, I don’t think she is your best friend anymore. She should have told you her feelings about you and the ex, not the girlfriend. She should have told you that she is thinking of telling the girlfriend before telling her.

    anita

    September 30, 2016 at 9:07 pm #116853
    Hanidashhan
    Participant

    Other than that, I feel I have the responsibility to carry the burden because of what my friend did. I might end up be the one to blame if anything happens to my ex new relationship. I do not know what to do even though I apologised. I really treasure him as a person I loved.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Hanidashhan.
    October 2, 2016 at 9:52 am #116932
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi hanidashan,

    When your ex BF hung out with you, what did he exactly think would happen? That he would have his cake and eat it too?

    You are way too nice.

    1. For hanging out with him after he dumped you.
    2. For carrying your friend’s guilt
    3. And oh by the way what your friend did was not “wrong” IMO.

    You need to get your self esteem back. Not seeing him would be a good start.

    The next time an ex BF wants to hang out like old times, a very good line would be: “Are you kidding me?”

    Best,

    Inky

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