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No self esteem. I'm lost

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  • #63547
    Stephanie
    Participant

    Hi everybody,
    First, English is not my language so I am sorry for my mistakes.

    I am almost 30 years old. I am a freelancer because I don’t like to have a boss. I am a web developper but I don’t really enjoy it. I am just good at it. Really good. I continue in this path just because I feel it’s safe. The problem is, it’s not really safer than anything because I don’t have a lot of money (or joy doing this).

    I feel like I need to take action. I feel in my soul, in my mind or I don’t know that I have to make a decision and take action over it. I have to change my career, find my purpose and take action to change my situation. But I feel stuck. I can’t make a decision… I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t know how I can help others (because that’s certainly something I want to do… help people).

    I’m a really anxious person (probably another reason why I am a freelancer). I feel like I don’t deserve my life. I feel like I am useless to the world… I know it’s “my fault” because I feel like a “victim” all the time even though I have everything some people could ever dream of… but I got not self esteem and I am not happy and I think that’s why I feel stuck to change my career…

    I know I have to change because if I don’t, I will have lived for nothing and I think that everyone of us has something to do here to help.

    So please help me to see some light because I am lost.

    Stephie

    #63549
    Matt
    Participant

    Stephie,

    It is very normal to have a moment like this, where the old path seems not to fit, not to bring satisfaction. However, the unknown of changing direction is also scary, it removes that safety net, like the shell cracking open on a baby bird, or a seed germinating. In the shell feels safe, but also confining.

    As we question here, look more directly at how to grow a path that gives us that sense of inspiration, of appreciative joy, of friendship, first we have to come to accept that fear of the unknown. Not running from it, wanting it to be gone, wanting the net back, but simply accepting that the unknown could bring anything, and not knowing “the next thing” brings anxiety.

    But then we can befriend that anxiety, sit with it, nurture ourselves, make space around it. Not let it pull us in, such as following a train down the tracks. Rather, we notice our fear, the feeling of groundlessness, and turn toward self nurturing. Letting go of the inner push to “find the answer, find the next step”, and make the nurturing the next step. Setting down the plans for the new path and the results of the old path, and just resting, relaxing. Perhaps hop in a tub with candles, meditate, do yoga, walk in nature, or anything that helps us relax, wake back up, reconnect with our inner happiness.

    As we do this, the big questions are answered through little actions. Rather than “plotting a major, epic course change”, we naturally begin to notice where our unique skills can help ourselves and those around us, and move toward that, follow those heartfelt inspirations. That’s when we rest comfortably with who we are, and where we are. Be it web development, or any other career that you feel drawn toward. There will be Stephie, smiling, caring for herself and the world around her.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #63561
    Ani
    Participant

    Well said Matt!. those are really inspiring words.!! I am big fan of your replies!!! God bless you…

    Hi Stephanie,

    Things will become fine sooner!! Don’t let your confidence down….

    If you don’t like your current career path, Learn your favourite subject and choose your new career. Simple as it sounds. But you should make confident steps and plan to reach there with passion. There may come hurdles, but slap them and move forward.
    Learn your fav subject side by side and get a new job.

    You motto of helping others will definitely help you in keep going!
    World will not end with this situation. There are many obstacles…, only a strong human can survive.
    God bless you with all the wealth and health that you need to help others.

    With Love,
    Ani

    Sorry for grammatical mistakes if any!

    #63565
    Stephanie
    Participant

    Hi Matt, Hi Ani,
    thank you for your answers. You really seem to care about people on this forum. I am full of gratitude for your kind words. I think I accepted that I have to change and that this change is good but I just don’t know where to go now. I don’t know what I like in life.

    How can I know what I like? I read so many books about this lately and I am trying so hard to find what I like and how can I put this into a career…

    I know Matt that you said I sould’nt try to make an epic change in my life right now. One step at a time. But I have to take that first step and I am scare because I don’t know what it is.

    Thank you,

    Steph

    #63582
    Krista Jennings
    Participant

    Hi Stephanie!

    High five for sharing this!

    I can definitely relate. I felt that way constantly for 4+ years and I prayed ALOT. Read, listened to podcast and I knew I had to make changes in my life to become more happy. Luckily for me- I was laid of from my job. But before that I was eager and really wanted to start my own business. I had planned my exit strategy and though that wasn’t actualized. I took on the challenge- with little security and a bit of fear. But highly determined to embrace a happier and healthier life.

    With grace,
    Krista

    #63588
    Matt
    Participant

    Steph,

    For me, what I like to do feels better. Like, when I eat olives, I immediately know I do not like them. When I clean the dishes, I know that I like to, good intent, good result.

    Consider self nurturing as a good next step. Rather than trying to build a new life because our present feels restless, we can make the present peaceful, and build a life that then reflects that peace.

    From above:”Setting down the plans for the new path and the results of the old path, and just resting, relaxing. Perhaps hop in a tub with candles, meditate, do yoga, walk in nature, or anything that helps us relax, wake back up, reconnect with our inner happiness.”

    If you don’t know what nurturing activities sing to you, try some of those! Or any others that seem to call to you. Museum? Gallery? Forest? Bathtub? Temple? What kind of space feels like a hug to you? Do that! Go there!

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #63601
    Stephanie
    Participant

    Thanks Krista! Did you start your business?? What kind of business is it? I’m just curious really 🙂

    Matt,
    thank you again. How can you not like Olives?! 😛 This is soooo good! 🙂
    I definitly feel good in nature… just walking in nature and relax. I will do that more often and I will try to meditate every day. Just 15 minutes or more if I feel like it.

    Thank you for your help. I feel better now because I’m not stress out to change my life completly in a month!

    Have a nice day or evening 😉

    With love,
    Steph

    #63607
    Krista Jennings
    Participant

    Stephanie, Yes I did start the business. Working on it right now 🙂 I’m creating a platform for women seeking to overcome perfectionism and inject more balance in their lives 🙂

    A lot go the times, we fail to take bold action in our lives because we want things to be perfect.

    I would post the website here. But I’m not sure if that’s allowed.

    With Grace,
    Krista

    #63614
    Lori
    Participant

    I HAVE BEEN SO DEPRESSED, SAD, ANGRY, I AM NOT HAPPY. I LIVE EVERYDAY JUST TO EXIST. I’M AFRAID TO GO TO BED AT NIGHT FOR FEAR OF NOT WAKING UP TOMORROW, I HAVE THE SAME ROUTINES EVERYDAY, I TAKE EVERYTHING OUT ON MY SPOUSE, I’M ANGRY, MAD, I LASH OUT AT THE LITTLEST THINGS HE DOES, I WANT TO GO BACK IN TIME WHEN OUR MARRIAGE WAS AT THE BEGINNING STAGES BUT I AM NOW ALMOST 60 AND I FEEL I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR. I AM SO UNHAPPY AND IN A RUT AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT OR HOW TO PULL MYSELF OUT OF IT. I AM RETIRED AND SPEND MY DAYS ON FACEBOOK OR WATCHING TV OR JUST EXISTING. I’M LOSING WEIGHT, I’M CONSTANTLY WORRYING ABOUT MY HEALTH EVEN THOUGHT I’VE BEEN TO DOCTOR’S I’M ALWAYS THINKING I HAVE CANCER OR SOMETIME IS TERRIBLY WRONG WITH ME, I HAVE AN UTI RIGHT NOW, WHICH I CONSTANTLY GET, AND I THINK I HAVE BLADDER OR URINARY TRACT CANCER, I’M ALWAYS THINKING NEGATIVE INSTEAD OF POSITIVE, I WANT TO BE MY OLD SELF AGAIN, HAPPY AND FEELING GOOD, NOT DEPRESSED AND FEELING SICK ALL THE TIME. i NEED YOUR ADVICE ON HOW TO GET MY OLD SELF BACK.

    #63660
    Krista Jennings
    Participant

    Lori, I can only imagine how you’re feeling. I think its important to have a mindset shift. You are fortunate to have food, shelter and access to the internet. It’s completely up to you to change the way that you think about yourself. I don’t know the details of your life. But I would suggest, start by analyzing the relationship with yourself. You are the most important person, don’t forget that or loose sight of that. Everyday is a new day and an opportunity to be grateful for yourself. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

    I would also suggest, that you not focus on being the best LORI you can be. Not getting the old self back. The old is in the past, what you can control and where you have have immense change is on today. This very moment.

    I hope this helps.

    All the best!

    With Grace,
    Krista

    #65969
    Krista Jennings
    Participant

    Here is the link – I hope I don’t get kicked out for sharing — freefromperefect(dot)com

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